Showing posts with label second chances. Show all posts
Showing posts with label second chances. Show all posts

Thursday, September 26, 2019

Hoarders, Surrender, and the Worst Fate of All

"I have such great news! .... My mom found a home for the cats!" 

It is a tough ask; pitching two adult cats to anyone. People adopt babies. Cute fluffy new babies. Teenagers, well, teenagers are a hard tough sell. And yet it happens; life, and it's unforeseeable twists and turns leaves us in a place with pets we are not sure we can care for any longer. None of us want to feel as if our own life is so fragile, so uncontrollable, or, so unpredictable that we are one bad decision, or, phone call away from bankruptcy, homelessness, etc.. But, these things can, and do, happen. People get a twist in the road of life that derails them. They find this place where they are no longer able, or willing (in some cases), to support their pets. What happens to them, our companions we brought into our lives, should we ever find ourselves here? In my life, and this line of work these stories end up as preludes to these dilemmas too often.

A few years ago a house fire threatened to leave a client and his 42 cats looking for new living arrangement options. (Yes, 42!). He began collecting cats as a rescue effort. One or two here or there, a litter became four litters, and 7 years later his 4 bedroom home included 10 to 20 cats in each bedroom. The litter box management alone left everyone smelling like sewage. The house couldn't be kept up. Random pieces of appliances began to fail and he feared letting anyone in to fix anything as the cats would literally be out of the bag. He began using a hot plate, and a kitchen fire happened. Thankfully no one was hurt, but he realized his cats were almost public knowledge, and if this happened he knew his whole life would come under county scrutiny.

This is a man who loves his cats.. Like many hoarders he has more than he can care for and he also believes that surrendering any of them places them at a far greater risk then their current situation where they are overcrowded, underfed, and lacking in basic medical care.

He fears the public more than he can see his participation in the denial of the affection and health to his cats that they so obviously needed. He always believed that his life was managing fine, and his cats are happy because he loved them.

After years of trying to help him and his cats with multiple attempts to spay and neuter everyone (which never happened because the few we couldn't catch were too feral to trap), I realized he didn't really want a population neutral home. He wanted more cats. Kittens to be precise. Kittens made him feel needed. They were so small, vulnerable and often so sick. They needed him to nurse them back to health (because they all were after all unhealthy and always sick), he had concoctions for every ailment. He began to resist spaying the girls because he wanted "to focus on the boys," and, "most were related and they wouldn't mate if they are related, so I didn't have to worry." I spent years begging and pleading him to start considering adopting out some by letting us find homes for the youngest, the friendliest, the ones we knew other families would adopt. But, he would never even consider letting even one go. Not one kitten. Not one feral adult. They all had names given to them as soon as they were born. He knew who was whose grandparents, siblings, aunts, and uncles, etc. This was his family. He loved them more than he could see what that love was costing them.

After 10 years of seeing bad decline into criminally negligent and mentally incompetent I was broken to resolve that I was merely a spectator watching his cats die more tragic deaths than the parents before them had. The problem over the years had gotten bigger, and more alarming and he just wasn't seeing it. A few timid cats turned into 40 plus (although I suspect the number is 70 plus) indoor cats with severe emaciation, respiratory failures, illnesses that can only be explained due to massive overcrowding, inability to manage basic sanitation, and starvation due to dental disease that left the cats unable to eat and dying to in the process. I gave up my ability to believe that I could make his cats lives better. I realized I was just flaming the fires of an inferno and watching cats die more excruciating deaths than I could intervene on. My last straw was a dozen plus cats who starved to death from stomatitis. A cat with stomatitis has inflamed gums that causes such severe mouth pain they can't eat although they are desperately hungry. One emaciated fire mouthed cat after another showed up. Each so sick they couldn't fight the stranger they knew everyone to be. So weak and yet afraid to eat they gave up and willingly died in a corner of a cage that offered no reprieve.

Any person who hoards is already a difficult person to relate to. There is always a lack of trust, there is always a degree of denial that often turns into defensive denial coated anger, and there is always a helpless life hanging in between.

I got to the point where I knew I wasn't helping anyone. I was just prolonging and participating in their and my own suffering. I didn't want to continue to be an accomplice to his feral cat breeding side show circus any longer. I explained that the conditions had gotten to a point where they were no longer manageable, that I felt as if I was complicit in this, all of  the death, the disease, the perpetual continuum of it all, and I couldn't live with it any longer. I tried again, and in vain, one last time to be the advocate for his cats who he dedicated every minute of his life to.

At the end of my attempt to open his eyes to the state of despair his cats were living in I landed the ultimatum. Either he got help, or I would report him to the county animal control officers.
Helpless is a place for the meek to hide in. Helpless and hog tied as a bystander is torture beyond forgiveness. I was the enabler watching disaster strike over and over again.

I never saw him again.

Over the next few months the local shelter received 5 hoarding cases. Each case had between 20 to 80 cats. All were thin, sick, and covered in fleas and feces. I would estimate that less than 5% of these ever found a home. Most were too wild to be adopted. Some ended up in barn colonies. Others just died of fear.

It is impossible for me to tell you the worst way to die? It is impossible for me to say there is anyway for a happy ending in these cases. It is also impossible for me to understand people. Veterinarians seek animals to fulfill our healing purpose, people we distrust amongst our dislike.

I grapple with the fact that I ever made anything better for these cats who deserved a life of so much more. I still ask myself if they were better off with quick death from someone who doesn't care about them, versus the slow death they got from someone who does? There was no happy ending, I just got out, and, even in this I wonder if it was the right thing to do?

"I have such great news! .... My mom found a home for the cats!" Jenn, my office manager, relayed the seconds ago phone call as she came bounding into my office.

The excitement in her face was obvious. The relief was inflected in her tearfully bubbly words.

We had spent much of that morning, and previous few mornings, discussing this dilemma of the impending eviction. The eminent need for a home for two older cats whose long time clients were moving to a smaller apartment and not taking them. We, the collective of us who manage the vet practice, had decided many many years ago that if we wanted to run a family-oriented veterinary clinic then we had to stick to our words. Be more than a trademark tag-line and actually stand by it. We aren't going to say that we "treat your pets like family" and then not really treat them like our family. So, we do. We offer payment options, free boarding, intervention care and emergency care to our patients when the pet parents need it. In the past this has included; emergency boarding for family emergencies, the automobile accidents heart attacks, deaths and even domestic abuse and inclement weather needs. If needed we even do it pro bono. We have never  put profits above compassion, nor, pitted purses against pet care. We stand by our patients at their best AND worst days and most dire times of need.

We had also learned the very hard learned lesson that if you give someone an easy out they never truly take responsibility, and they hardly ever follow through with their end of the bargain. People who abandon/surrender pets already have an emotional disconnect, or, they are so far removed from financial ability that follow through won't matter. In 15 years I have only had one surrender I ever felt right about. (See Cole's story here). The rest were clients who had a history of disposable lives the unloaded (often obviously un-remorsefully and un-apathetically onto anyone else who would take them. Once you surrender in (many places) you are forever blacklisted from adopting again. Shelters, rescues, and yes, even us, won't adopt out to you again. Ever. (How can we?)

This particular family were losing their home. It was something we had known was likely for months. We had been in constant contact with the family to get as much social media saturation as possible. Just that morning Jenn had told me that she was scheduled to visit the home to take an in home video of the cats (as one of them was very shy and wouldn't film well at the clinic). She had planned her weekend around this home visit. We all know how hard it is to place adult cats, especially shy reluctant cats. When I asked how the visit had gone she told me that they had cancelled it.

"Don't they understand how hard this is going to be? How we really need to find them homes before bringing them here to live at the clinic."

We have taken two other pairs of cats into the vet clinic over this last year. Our current number of in clinic cats stands at 6. All older, all tough sells to find homes for. One pair came from a family who had developed allergies. The other from a family who just didn't want them any longer then the 10 years they had already had them. One of these cats had gotten so depressed, fearful and withdrawn that we feared he would die from the stress and anxiety our busy chaotic clinic landed him within. I had almost gone as far as placing a feeding tube to force feed him. Cats bond very closely to their owners. Even if they aren't a lovey-dovey lap cat they know who their caretakers are and they adapt to their home with a dependence not seen in other species. When their world changes many of them cannot handle the insecurity. They withdraw, they stop eating, they stop grooming, their depression can kill them. Even when they don't appear to love and need human companionship they die without their people.

"No, she cancelled over the weekend, and that was before her mom had called her to say that she had found a home for them."

"Do you know her mom?" I asked.

"No,"

"Call the shelter. I will bet you a thousand dollars she is just going to bring them there."

...."WHAT! Are you kidding!!??" Jubilation transitioned into shocked perplexity and angered pause.

"No, I'm not. I have never known her mom to be a nice person. She had a sweet cat named Feather, the only time or attention she ever gave that cat was letting her follow her to the mailbox every day. She was never allowed inside and she was never more than a cat., and she also never says anything nice about anyone, her daughter especially. Call the shelter, give them a heads up."

The next day the shelter called to say the cats had been picked up by Animal Control. The mom had requested they be euthanized. She had expressed that they were better off dead, something about being concerned that they would be "abused if adopted to the wrong people."

Now, I have to pause here. I have to stop here because as hard as it is to believe I hear this a lot. Too often. It bleeds into this paranoia, the same paranoia that precludes a person from finding homes for his 42 cats who are dying slow deaths around him, in his home. He firmly believes that all of his cats, whom he loves and will admit to repeatedly loving, are better off with him than anywhere else. He is blind to their suffering. Distrustful of everyone else in the world. Which also included me, the one vet who would allow him to drop off any sick cat at any inconvenient time, AND, not force him to pay when clearly he had no ability to afford anything.. Even I was  threat so intense that I had to be cut out. The same paranoia that allows people to believe death is a better place than chance when you dump them into societies mercy.

The lack of trust in medicine, in compassion, in humanity has been one of the hardest pills to swallow.

The shelter called to ask for medical records to be transferred to them for these two adult cats that we had just been told Mom had found a home for. I interrupted. I have such great news! .... My mom found a home for the cats!

"Who dropped them off?"

"Mrs. MOM did" they replied.

"Well, she isn't the owner!" I exclaimed. I was excited to have caught them before the euthanasia filled needle did. Before they were lost in an overcrowded shelter. Maybe, I thought, if I could show that these weren't the MOMs cats we could get them into a better place for their second chance?

The rest of the day included multiple phone calls to the shelter staff to promise me that they wouldn't euthanize the cats, the Animal Control Officer to explain the whole situation and urge him to go and speak to the cats real mom in person, and the vet clinic staff, just in case someone came packing and angry. We have had to go on lock down before, get restraining orders, and do emergency shelter recons before. You put everyone on alert when shit like this happens.

When I was on the phone with the Animal Control Officer I begged him to go to the cats home in person. "I'm afraid her mom lied to her. We have offered to help to find homes for the cats, give them a foster home, all so they wouldn't have to be surrendered, which was what she told us all along she feared the most. That sending them to the shelter where they could be euthanized if they were too scared to be adopted might be their fate. Please go! I just can't imagine she would do this, or knowingly let her mom do this? And, please give her my cell phone number. She can call me anytime. We will help her and her cats."

The next day the shelter called back requesting records. She, the cats real pet parent mom we have known so well,, hugged thousands of times, cried with over the loss of her pets, shared holiday cards with, loved more than any other person/client/friend/and even more than family had signed them over to the shelter. Their fates, as the shelter will openly admit to, are open, can be decided to be terminated at any time (because surrendering allows immediate euthanasia), and I am devastated beyond words.

I do not understand people.

Why would you not trust us more than the shelter that can/will/might kill your unadoptable/stressedout/abandoned-and-petrified cat?

It is impossible for me to tell you whats the worst way to die? It is impossible for me to say there is anyway for a happy ending. It is also impossible for me to understand people.

It is increasingly more impossible for me to not judge people as I try to dissect into the comprehensible these non-sensible pieces. I live in a profession where people decide their companions fates. I live in a world that I still willingly invest my heart and soul in, and I live in a world where even those pet parents who I think/feel/believe will fight and die for their pets don't.

And I'll be damned maybe, but, I sure don't understand them. The hoarders are killing their cats with selfish abusive neglect they cannot see, and, the disposers pass on a problem to let their guilt succumb to freedom knowing full well they can be, and often times are, euthanized. Because in the world of shelter medicine surrender allows anyone to decide at anytime whatever fate they want to deliver.

The pets, these defenseless deeply emotionally attached to us regardless of how atrociously we treat them, well, they deserve better.

I spent the night trying to figure out how I could be so wrong about her? Her obvious love for them?

Do I call her and try to unravel this? Do I secretly go get them and hope that I never see her again?

The next day Jenn called. "The Humane Society called. They are full, they want to know if we will take them?"

This is where the soul of every vet/every rescuer/every humane is decided. The little pieces. The incremental stories that your life gets entwined in and the facing of the fact that you do care more, you always have, and that's what makes you who you are. For me, the little fired-up vet who looks at every one of her patients as HER patient, HER family. I will never abandon you, or fight for you, without or without your parents.

"yes."

Here is the video of us picking up the cats. Meet our new JVC kitties;



Here's my video of how these cases affect me;




If you would like to know more about the topics I discuss here please find me on Pawbly.com. It is free to use and open to everyone who loves pets. Please also consider joining if you have experiences to share and pet support to lend.

If you would like to learn more about me at the clinic please visit our Facebook page at Jarrettsville Vet.

For my YouTube channel please visit here.

For more information on my veterinary clinics services, including prices for care please see our Jarrettsville Vet website.

Thank you for being kind..

Monday, December 31, 2018

Cole's Second Chance. Your Pets CAN Live On Without You.

Cole came to us one evening in the middle of Summer, 2018. It was the end of another long day. I work primarily nights; week nights 3 pm to 8 pm. I often see the appointments we couldn't fit in earlier, or, the cases that are attached to special scenarios that require a degree of liability in both the financial and 'out of the box' maneuverability. I wouldn't put these cases on the other vets who work at the clinic. It wouldn't be fair to.

These cases are a long story, meets pivot point bordering on euthanasia and deaths door, AND, an owner who cannot find any other option. It is essentially ALWAYS the same. Person in dire straights (often homeless, addicted, evicted, always desperately spewing emotionally garble) and a million excuses, and a pet in the cross hairs of a balance between if I don't do it the shelter (or the pink euthanasia juice) will. I, due to my poorly trained patience, have gotten better at being the listening forgiving humanitarian with these.  I'm not shy about the reasons. I am in these for these pets. The people, well, I am not so forgiving with them. I can't help most of them. They don't want it, they just want help for their pets.

Cole last week,
I walked into examination Room number two. First room on the right. The one with a bench seat, lots of room, and the most updated within my humble 1950's rural little veterinary clinic. There stood an aged black shabby, overweight wagging dog. He was entertained by the chaotic clutter and bustling revolving door of patients and their chauffeurs.

His mom, a woman shrouded in clothes trying to be very small hid her face sat on the bench ignoring him within her own grieving.

Cole was a mess of energy pent up in a body that should have been tired a long time ago. He was bright, happy, active, and yet obviously rather elderly. He smelled bad. He was matted, lumpy, had a fleshy marble bag hanging from some part of his belly. Attraction and affection for him would be a little deeper than the average onlooker would find at first glance. He was a soul in dire need of looking past a lot of deficiencies. He was also here because all other options had been emptied. Almost as desperate as his mom who was seated, sobbing, and almost incoherent.

Cole at his mass removal surgery.
This was one of those moments that suspends time. Removes you from the chatter of cluttered pesky dilemmas of daily life. It was one of those defining moments. The moments I don’t think lots of other vets deal with. I understand why, although it doesn't change the needs nor the consequences of turning a blind eye.

Quietly and spontaneously his mom started reciting her plight. She was a woman who started out like we all do. She once had dreams, hopes, plans for a life full of possibilities and potential. She wasn't any older, or younger than me, but, she was broken beyond repair from an intervention. She looked doomed. She couldn't stop crying. It was difficult to understand her story on a timeline. She was at this moment simply a person who needed to stop living in and out of her car every day. She wanted to be in a shelter where she could rest safely. Her dog, who I barely articulated as having been purchased as a puppy at 8 weeks old, was her soul source of companionship through all of her losses. She repeatedly told me that he had never know another mom. She was so insistent that I know this that I feared she would chose to put him to sleep rather than rehome him. This, this one incomprehensible statement, is one I have heard so many times I have almost lost faith in people being anything other than so self absorbed they will kill their best friend to prove the point.

“I am homeless. I live in my car. He needs more than I can give him but I have had him since he was a puppy. He only knows me.”

It was a moment in time, I have had too many times before. It was one of the many situations of feeling like my stethoscopes duties were extending well beyond my medical practice’s primary purpose.

This dog, Cole, looked like a marketing ad for some animal sanctuary pamphlet. He was big, shaggy, matted, filthy, had some odd bald black skin sac-looking mass swinging to-and-fro from his midsection, and for as bad as he looked he smelled equally unwantable. He was a tough sell unless you already possessed the eyes of adoration years together build. All of his discouraging selling points weren’t going to change his current predicament. He had a car for his only home. He was a dog who had energy and needed more than he had.

I have learned that in moments like these a few things really matter. First, I cannot undo what has walked in my door. Being cold, indifferent, and ambivalent isn’t going to change this pups fate. It also isn’t going to stop haunting me. Yes, I have to identify and embrace that I “feel” for my patients, even when they are just off the street and ownership has been only 5 minutes.

Next, many of these situations seem impossible. Impossible is a place where nothing happens. Novices make predictions, the rest of us, those who have learned that amazing happens when you invest yourself, offer hope, extend a hand of compassion and support, those of us who have gotten here know that life will surprise you if you aren’t afraid to let it.



What happened next was what ended up making all the difference in Cole’s story. I took a breath. I decided to not concoct an excuse to walk away. Send him and his mom to a place they didn’t have left to go. I asked Coles' mom if I could interview him and her. To tell his story to the world (at least our Facebook world). This is what made a difference. See Coles video here.

The last, and probably most important part of this meeting was having a staff who understands who we are, why we are this way, and what the world has room for. I had one person, my very dear friend, vet tech extraordinaire, who looked at me and said; “We can do this. I want to help.” It just takes one more person who believes and a spark happens. That glimmer of maybe?, turns into the beginning of a movement. Hiring her wasn’t an accident. Like the rest of the staff who I am so lucky to work with, it has been a long, (many years long), process of finding like minded people who believe and want to do something. Me, all by myself, that’s (almost) impossible. But a community of people like me, well, that is where fairy tale endings meet real-life.

Cole went home with that technician who believed in miracles that night. He stayed with her, as the newest member to her 5 dog flock for a few weeks. She gave him a new perspective and excitement to a life unfinished. He was caught on film in their back yard playing with her other dogs. It brought me to tears, (it still does). His joy was undeniable in that little snippet of yard play. I so wish his mom could have seen it. How happy she would have been. How relieved to know he was ok without her, and in spite of how alone they had been once.

After about 3 weeks, another video or two, Cole found his home. I can call it his 'next' but it has become his 'perfect' home. He is what they call him "the best dog we have ever had." Who knew 'best' could reside in this old package? (I guess we all did?, didn't we?).


Cole 2018 Pets With Santa. His family photo.
Cole was adopted by a wonderful family who also goes above and beyond what a little challenge might require. They take the hardest, most needy cases, and from their hands of love an kindness second chances become more than these little souls could have ever hoped for.

What I have come to believe as true, even though I dread each repeat episode, it is the time I love my job the most. Being a veterinarian can't, shouldn't be about finding the easy cases, the easy people, it is about helping the worst cases in the  most dire circumstances. It is the fulfilling place to build a lifetime of stories from.

For more information on who Jarrettsville Veterinary Center is please visit our Facebook page, or our website.

If you have a pet question or a story about your pet to share so we can start to help others who might be in the same situation you are (or were), please visit us at Pawbly.com. It is free to use and open to everyone.

If you want to learn more about pet care visit my YouTube channel here. 

Monday, April 29, 2013

Life Is All About Second Chances




A very good friend of ours, long time client, and one of the most worldly and devoted pet lovers I have ever met suffered a terrible loss recently. His dear longtime friend lost her battle with old age and the diseases that it often keeps company with.

He, like so many of us, spent tireless hours tending to her every need. He brought her in often to see if there was any new changes to her status and to see if there was anything else we could add to her long list of remedies. He coddled her, comforted her, and spent every second he could with her.

When he came in to say good bye to her we all mourned for both him and his dear departed cat.

We see death too much in the clinic. We sometimes lose our ability to relate to those who are struggling with a loss that cripples their ability to still enjoy the beauty of a sunrise, the life still surrounding us, and the foresight that things will get better. To those of us who center our lives around our pets the loss of our pet is debilitating to the core.

Oddly, I had just lost my dear cat, also named Midnight, when he lost his dear Midnight. They had both lived longer than most cats do, and had both died from kidney disease.

For our friend we wondered how he would fare facing the loss of his cat? We wondered if we would see him back, or if he could find another place in his heart for another cat.

After a few weeks of worrying we received a call from him asking us to keep our eyes open for another black cat. Within a few weeks a little black female came into the clinic looking for a home. We knew that she was the perfect match for him. Very calm, gentle, and affectionate, cuddler. We knew that she was just the answer to his sadness.

After he came in to see her he alerted us all that he would be back for her. He wanted to go home and talk to his wife and get the house ready.

A few days later he returned, carried her home and sent me this email a few days later.
Krista,
>
> I thought I would pass along some information about the kitten I adopted formerly named Molly and now named Scout.  My former wife had a nickname of Molly so I stayed away from that.  Scout is the name from a character in "To Kill a Mockingbird" probably my favorite movie of all time.
>
> Anyway, the kitten is amazing.  When I brought her home, I thought there might be a break in period when she had to get used to me and would be in hiding until she got accustomed to the house, after all she had just met me.
>
> I was pleasantly surprised when she immediately was all over me purring and licking and rubbing.  When she was tired she would curl up with me and sleep and spent the night sleeping in bed with me.  She is a little skittish with loud noises but not with me.  I am amused that she runs from my wife (but eventually comes out).  She sits on the sink in the bathroom while I shave which was a favorite activity of Midnight.
>
> I just can't believe the immediate bond we had with each other and that she is providing me with just what I need.  It seems it was meant to happen.
>
> I thank you again for all you did for Gilda, Midnight, and me.  I am glad that circumstances caused our paths to cross.
>
> Steve

My Midnight.