The Futility Of It All. How Futility Fuels Empathetic Activism.

Serafina. Her story here 

The futility of it all is ubiquitous if you sit and think about any of it for longer than a moment. This appears to be true because just about everything imaginable can fall into the futility category. Just take a minute and think about a few examples.. You might  have to take a few steps back,, narrow, or widen, the focus, but, it's true.

Or, so I fear most days.

You will die,,, there's a big one. What the heck does it all matter if that is the final thought? Eat more cake. Watch more t.v.. Buy that expensive purse. Live larger, or, live longer,,, (which is it?). Can you do both? Isn't it all futile if a nuke lands in your back yard tomorrow?

It's futile to deny it.. All of it will end. Someday.

But, wait a minute, what about our pets? Those little delightful beings that drive us to do almost everything we so willingly have to do. Like waking  up early on those precious few days off, cleaning (yes, this includes diarrhea and vomit on the living room rug at 2 am, and, hair in every corner of every room). And, don't have to do.. like putting on a pretty dress for our eat-in dinner date together. I swear that my home lives by the motto: "I work hard so my cat doesn't have to." But, is all of this futile? My precious short time with them? My deep adoration toward them? Am I alone in this singular thought that NO! It isn't! They are my life,, certainly that can't be futile? Can it?

Pawbly is the place I chose to put my excess futile efforts outside of my too often also arguably already futile vet practice. (Futility meets its maker on an even larger scale. Yipppeee!). I can't follow any current vet practice ownership model. They have all become too calculating on how to make more money, how to lure more client visits, manage your practice better so it is more efficient AND more profitable. Listen to the experts, embrace the real facts that some people just shouldn't have a pet if they cannot afford them.. we after all are vets, we know everything,,, we should decide who lives and dies and who deserves companionship... yeah, I'm not this person... it's futile for me to try.

Poe. His story here.

There are endless debates about the futility of vet medicine. It is jarring to think about how futile that whole long four years of vet school is as the foundation of ice cream is to its banana creme sundae of my daily futile veterinary life. At least that's what it feels like in this profession on some days. Do you know how many times a day that I have to plead for a patient because I am certain that their treatment will NOT be futile? Or, how many times I have to look at an animal knowing I cannot alter the path they are on already because life as they know it is futile at this juncture. Never mind the even more futile and heart crushing cases that I can intervene on behalf of and SAVE but aren't given the chance to! Yes, I feel like my life, whole veterinary existence, is futile far too often.

For many clients the futility of their pets medical options might be financial constraints, personal issues that preclude ability to preform the treatment or an intervention task needed, or, the awful reality that life is replaceable, expendable, an economic equation, perhaps not just the current status of their health but perhaps their entire existence, and the utter lack of seeing our life as a reflection of others. That's when futility makes this veterinary life almost impossible to bear any longer.

Fripp and Storm. My puppies. Their story here.

The problem as I see it is that whatever I might know, or want to utilize to assist or intervene on behalf of, dish and dole to those who find me, and the importance of life as I see it, is futile when that patients care, or ability to access it is decided by someone lacking the ability to see their life as anything more than, well you know already; futile.

Can you see the dilemma?

The face. The cases you never forget.

It's not the ending of a life at its end from some debilitating destructively devastating disease that rips you to shreds. It's the ending a life at its most vulnerable time of needing me, the vet, to intervene for them and being unable to that makes it all feel futile. Hence, Pawbly. Try to offer more help to more people and deliver it to them for free, (which by the way it most certainly isn't).

Storm. His first appearance here.

It hits me pretty hard on occasion. This dance between navigating selfish decisions, suffering, economics, and easy street to avoid feeling anything. Then the smack in the face of futility wakes me. Pets are at the mercy of people too often. People are governed by motives I cannot always alter. People don't want to be decided for, and far too often they can't see their pets, their dilemmas and their place in altering courses like I can. Futile to try to convince, futile to push, plead, beg, and not permitted to coerce,,, futile.

Serafina.. futility at its best.

Going into every pet related situation as a veterinarian with my automatic assumption that my clients, (I say "my" because I do have invested ownership in them,, I know most other vets say 'the' (always pay attention to grammar,,, imperative of these is the choice of the noun. "Mine" is non-binary, we are all safe with "mine" ,,, use it, mean it, small soapbox diversion ended now),  is setting me up for problems, inevitably. There is this invisible line that seasoned vets learn to nimbly maneuver. Act like the patients best friend if the client can pay, send them to specialists, offer best practice medicine, charge premium for all of it, or, act like the bearer of compassionate euthanasia as their next best option if they can't. Appear to care, but decide who is worthy of our time and expertise based on financial ability first, deem the remaining as futility cases otherwise. Doesn't work for the patient all the time does it? What if I tried to always side with what was best for my patient? Albeit I might be biased, and, I might possess a more tempered professionally honed medical lens to decide who is and isn't likely to live a little longer. What if I just decided that I was my patients advocate and stuck to my guns about it regardless of the finances? Seems easier to tip-toe through this way with a client who might just think that medicine, my whole purpose is just futility dressed up in a white coat. Well, not so fast. I know many a financially sound client who uses a date, age, disease, length of  expected treatment plan, and even degree of personal involvement in said treatment plan, who opts to get another pet as this one doesn't meet their "acceptability" standard any longer. That argument, that plea to intervene on the patients behalf, leaves me with a patient of my own to try to rehome (which oddly has been easier than I assumed), or, a furious client because I am "not honoring their wishes." (Umm, does the pet have a wish? Can I ask? please?).

My Fripp. Found in a box on the side of the road.
If that almost didn't kill her a week in the shelter for her mandatory hold period almost did.

In a deep conversation with the smartest, most successful person I know, the topic of my pet project Pawbly came up. In one second of air sucking despair he gave it to me. The complete futility in the ridiculousness of a business that even a philanthropist would balk at as they dis-considered it. There it was, the perspective of extending compassionate for free care gone, evaporated, scoffed at. Futility Be Mine.

Futile efforts to herd the vacuum.

How interdependent are we all on each other? That's the question I often ask myself as the dog and cat mom to my family. Beauty, in all its intricate delicacy fades. Love herself is futile if you don't jump in and let yourself be brave enough to surrender to it. Be courageous enough to have your heart broken. Willingly. That's the aphrodisiac to futility. There is futility in caring. It will fall away from your fingertips. Leave you. And, yet I stand here stethoscope ready for the next set of futile feet to patter in or fall upon my compassionate driven threshold.

Poe

I wander in futility for the opportunity to be met by that every so often occasion where intervention matters, recognized or not. That one little soul who meanders in to my clinic, or, my website, and is able to depart better than they arrived. That one play that shifts the deck in their favor. The win in a sea of losses. The sheer joyful moment where what I have chosen to do with my life matters. The admission that this moment exists outside of every moment of every day where my beloved companions; Charlie, Storm, Fripp, Wren, Jitterbug, Oriole, and Magpie reside. That place where butterflies are air suspended floating winged fairies. Frogs are coins leaping in a fountain, and a new glorious sunrise is at the end of every nap. That omnipresent yearning where bellies are always anxiously awaiting the next treat in the many forms they find them, and nestling fur remains snuggled close the my laying legs with a reassuring resting fingertips to remind them they are safe here. It is the life I choose, futile amongst the otherwise.

Serafina

As for my largest futile effort, Pawbly, it still matters to me. This wanderlust idea that a place I created can transform a culture into acceptance that we got a few things wrong in our fear to protect our profitability. The futileness in believing that pets matter more then the dictionary portrays them as. That they are our beloved family. Our furred little ones. The idea that our lives are meaningful to each other, and worth the heartbreak the loss will cost us. That believing you can continue to try is worth the heart you wear on your white coated lapel. Profitable or not it's futile to try to take it with you.

The futility is in the trying to get through life without pain, disappointment, or solitude. The futility is denying  that empathy and love solves them all.

Anyone want a feral cat?
Sure,, meet Muffins, one of our JVC kitties.

Here's to endless practicing in futility! The bitter disappointment to futility's attempts to sway my little chips into its magnanimous suit of armor.

And proving myself wrong. That none of this is futile. It's futile to try.

Taking Frippie home.

Related Blogs;

Find What Breaks Your Heart. Why I do what I do in my veterinary practice.

Borrowing Battery Juice. How I utilize the lack of compassion I see too much of as a source of strength.

Affordable Options Are Everyone's Right. Difficult cases, expensive care and how I manage the tenuous cases that present.

The Turtle and the Unicorn. Entrepreneurialism in Veterinary Medicine. My way.

The Year of Year Around Care. Transparency in Jarrettsville Veterinary Center. How we changed the face of our practice to benefit our patients.

If you are interested in help for your pet and don't know where to go please find us here at Pawbly.com. It is a free online community dedicated to educating and inspiring pet people everywhere. It is free to use and open to everyone.

I can also be found at Jarrettsville Vet in Harford County Maryland. Visit our Facebook page here, or see our online Price Guide at our website jarrettsvillevet.com