Saturday, November 18, 2017

get out alive..

at some point you get to the place where a choice is needed...

at some point you get to a place where your life is being surrendered, taken or foregone as not being your own any longer...

At some point you are just trying to get out alive.

There is hardship in life, no one gets out of it. It is as universal as it is inescapable.

I'm trying to remember why,,,,

why i am still here,

why i am still trying,,,

and why the world, the world that too often makes no sense, has no fairness, and holds the cards too close to the chest, still let me in.

There are little pieces of me everywhere. In each case I invested a little piece of myself. In some cases I invested more than the return might yield, and in the cases you cannot foresee you can go bust. It is the nature of the game. You can occasionally, outwit, and outsmart, but life cannot be outlived.

I hit the wall, I fell to the floor, I hid it, (I tried to at least), and I found myself at the place I know others have been... I found myself asking whether it was time?

you walk away knowing you have to,


you walk away a different person,

simply to get out alive.

There is still a voice here. There is also still a soul, broken, beaten, afraid, and yet still determined.

Maybe only determined to get out alive, and maybe that's enough to resurrect the rest of me.

If this little place is mine, and there is a place for me to be simply me here, then I need to stay small, think large, and hope that courage is enough to sustain me,,

and I have to have hope,,, hope I can get out alive with some small voice I am not too afraid to abandon.


  1. Sometimes hope is all there is, and that has to be enough. Sometimes hope gets you through to the end and makes it all worthwhile. And sometimes, Dr. Mags, you are the last hope, the only hope that a person has left for their loved furry family member. Think of all the happy families there are because of you.

    1. hello!! thanks! I so sincerely appreciate your words and kindness.. I have to admit that I have never been happier with work-life-world. I am surrounded by the most amazingly supportive people. I have never been so confident in the work I am doing and the place I am at.. its the rest of the quiet inward contemplation I have yet to quiet and find peace with.
      so grateful for your help, support and encouragement..
      xoxoxo to you all!!

  2. Replies
    1. hello,
      I am getting the crap kicked outta me from the vet professionals who are angry at me,,, its ugly and I am tired of it.. thats it.. I am trying to be strong and courageous and every so often I trip.. and stumble,, and wonder?
      how are you,, im sorry it has been too long since I checked in on you.. although i saw a snow dusted Cookie face on Facebook today. hope you are all well,