The Patsy

There's always a guy who takes it for the team. The fall guy. In some cases they land on the sword to save the rest of the troops. The Captain who goes down with the ship. The Emmett Till open coffin that puts a real face on the brutality of racism. In others they are set up without volunteering. We call this..

The Patsy

definition;

noun

• 
  a person who is easily taken advantage of, especially by being cheated or blamed for something

A patsy is often used as a scapegoat or fall guy by someone else who wants to avoid responsibility or consequences for their own actions. This term can also refer to a person who is taken advantage of in a scheme or scam. The word 'patsy' often carries a negative connotation, suggesting that the person is foolish or gullible, and has been made a victim of someone else's scheme or plan.

How many patsy's are out there that don't know their lives are being set up behind their backs?

Zoey, Pyometra surgery 4/9/25

To explain where this is going I need to catch you up. There is a place that is the safety net for the animals to go when they are unwanted, unable to be cared for, on hold to be used as "evidence" in an investigation, or just plain old 'found' in our county. This place is also designated as an "open admission" shelter. It is what I refer to as a "necessary" institution. No one wants to need a shelter, and yet if we don't have one we will end up with animals on the streets attempting to fend for themselves, and often meeting pretty horrible deaths and suffering because of this. If you have ever been to a third world country you will see it all around you. Animals trying to survive off of trash. Freezing to death. Walking around wounded. Trying to raise offspring under very demanding, and unkind conditions. It is cruelty married to neglect via poverty.  We no longer live in a country that provides care to people who love pets yet have financial limitations. We used to be a profession that put pets first. We no longer do. We are all to blame for this. Lost and found pets have very little good options. The safest option is to be brought to a shelter with a microchip so their owners can be notified immediately. Once at the shelter they have a minimum, (guaranteed by law, every place is a little different on time), holding period. This is about the only right they have. We hope that they are treated kindly and compassionately, but, this is not a guarantee and this is also in the eye of the beholder.

On March 10, 2025 a press release was delivered to my veterinary clinic notifying the county of a parvovirus outbreak at the shelter. As soon as we were notified we reached out to the shelter to offer help. We were notified a day later that all of the dogs had already been euthanized. What has ensued is a series of strategic missteps to try to avoid public scrutiny.  

See the series of videos on this outbreak unfolding

here;

I remain determined to have a few questions about these dogs answered openly and honestly. This has yet to happen. The parvo puppies (from what I have been told) were brought in by Animal Control. They were sick if not on arrival, very shortly thereafter. One was so sick it was not given its intake vaccines and was sent to the ER. This (I thought was case 1, was really case 2). This is the only dog that I know of who was under veterinary oversight. The rest remain still unaccounted for as to whether they ever saw a veterinarian, were on their stray hold, (which is supposed to guarantee them the time for their family to show up to claim them), or be euthanized by one of only three people; the Sheriff, a veterinarian, or the Executive Director of the shelter. The current ED has no animal care experience. It appears that she decided to euthanize these dogs. It is difficult for me to accept that she made a decision on their denial for medical treatment when she has no credentials to assess them. She absolutely should have had a veterinarian oversee this outbreak, and these dogs. 

These questions remain. When did each of them arrive? Under whose oversight were they brought to the shelter? Who authorized their care? Who authorized their euthanasia? What are their credentials in doing so? Why wasn't this infectious disease outbreak overseen by a veterinarian from start to finish?

For the whole time I have been a veterinarian at our practice (20 years) the shelter has seemed cursed. For about 2 years, (a few years ago), I volunteered once a week to help provide rabies vaccinations so pets would be protected and be able to find homes. We cannot adopt out a pet without a rabies vaccine. I was a volunteer. I never got paid for my time. I also adopted out at least 12 animals who needed homes, were too sick to be housed there, or were slated for imminent euthanasia. I understand personally and professionally the difficulties of the shelter.

This shelter, well, it's always had its challenges. Every place does. And yet, they still seemed to be cursed on top of that. I have spent the last three weeks trying to understand how things got so bad. I spent 3 weeks talking to people who work there, volunteer there, donate there, got fired/terminated/resigned from there. The stories people shared had so many common themes that my idea of cursed turned into inevitable. It is inevitable that things have turned out the way they have. Just like expecting parvo to hit when you bring 33 puppies in together. (See previous parvo puppy blog here). Disease is just waiting for you. The only, (yes only), way a shelter can be run as the community that supports it wants it to be, is to be a reflection of that community. All communities are different. Areas of the country view pets/animals differently. As a practice owner in this county I will say that people love their pets like family. They expect their pets, even if they are under their a different entities roof, to be treated as such. This is called trust. We inherently want to trust in the system, and people, put in place to provide this care. (See open letter to HCHS on trust here).

Birdie. My kitten. Local rescue

HCHS tactic number one; ignore and hope it goes away. I spent weeks asking for answers. If you do get a reply it is paltry and dismissive. After that, if you keep asking you just get ignored. (references; ED, Head of the Board. Notefull also occurring at AC dept).

There is little argument that the staff turnover is too high in the shelter. There are numerous reasons for this. As someone who did volunteer there, there is an overarching desire among many there that they want to help. They specifically want to help the pets in the system who struggle to find placement. For me it was the elderly, sick cats. The ones that weren't cute, round, cuddly. The ones overlooked. The ones that didn't have a great chance at getting out. It was very hard to go every week, but, the faces that I knew would be waiting for me always tugged me back. I was there for them. There is an incredible sense of purpose that leads to powerful persuasion in helping those without anyone else. 

Why is the turnover so high at the shelter? The answer, (reminder again, this is all my opinion), is that poor leadership breeds poor performance. By the accounts of previous employees it is a toxic (their word) environment. (See their own stories here).

Why does it seem the same thing repeats over and over and over? I have been in this county for 20 years, and it always seems the same. Rumors swirl about the state of affairs at the shelter. Animals are being neglected, denied the care that is outlined in the Standard Of Care manual that is utilized and posted for the public, someone catches wind of it, and a cleaning of the house occurs. (They do get most of their funding from the taxpayers). And yet the overseeing humans who hire top staff and are charged with making the  remains relatively intact with very few animal care experts on it. (How can that be ideal for the animals?). The place is not cursed. The place runs by keeping the staff afraid to ask questions. Afraid to advocate for the residents. They are terminated via an email without an in person explanation. The people, pets and the status quo is disposable. People and pets there are treated the same. When there is accountability being asked for you get silence.

Here's what I am wondering. (Disclaimer time, this is my personal blog. I do not know any of these people personally, and I have no feeling for them one way or the other). How can a place with such an important purpose be inspirational, uplifting, life changing and healthy for all involved? Isn't the answer that it has to be supported, cared for, and believed in? If it has that infrastructure it can create protocols for people to know what is expected of them. But, if it is closed, secretive, and loses its purpose the power plays evolve. Pets are love. Love has to be at the center of every decision, every action and every persons ethos. It has to be. We do not live in a place where pets are viewed as anything else.

Don't we all need to hear this every so often?

Tactic Number two; Bully and intimidate. Secretly hand out termination letters. Post a public announcement that all of the inquiries are for "social media" attention. Every person at the shelter who has spoken to me explains it the same way. The management wants employees to feel that they are permitted there by the grace of the powers above them. If you want to run a magnificently successful shelter this ethos is upside down. The management exists at the mercy of those who get their hands dirty for them to stay in their executive attire. 

The typical scenario is that it is the Executive Director (ED) is the face of the shelter. They manage the facility and its occupants/staff/etc. They are hired by the Board of Directors. (They have a website, you can see for yourself). The Board is smart enough to know, based on decades of Patsy's, to pick someone who won't know they are being set up. When your past two top hires have left on uncertain/unfriendly terms the common denominator is the the people who decide who gets to decide everything that follows after, OR, the directives you give the Director. 

The pattern of behavior is that the Board terminates, or forces out with willing resignation, the ED, the shelter manager follows, and then the hiring process begins again. When it does they say things like; "It's a new day! We have new people. A fresh new approach to wipe the slate clean." Sounds like another deflection from responsibility, and certainly doesn't build transparency. Trust, well, that's another tough nut to put your whole heart and soul into.

It seems that the current choice for ED is a person with little to no animal experience. You don't know what you don't know, and the shelter is a tough place to get your training wheels. We were all young and green once. Some of us realized that growing up fast could be painful. Ask me what being sent to a military academy at 17, with a hatred for women, and an administrations penchant for hazing does to you? 

My personal opinion is that they chose wisely, vs. chose for expertise. Apparently the last guy was recruited by a headhunter, and these days there is (allegedly) still money missing from the operating fund. The rumor mill (always this place,, we also have an issue with transparency,, but more on that later), is that they couldn't afford the head hunter this time. (They are, after all facing a budget crisis. They haven't posted their numbers in a few years, so even this is speculation, hearsay from members who have attended budget meetings, and the staff being told they cannot purchase items, or house sick parvo puppies, or provide "gold standard of vet care" (I actually was sent that email). Turns out they have budget constraints but are sending people to Vegas for a shelter conference. I'm all for investing in your people. I do see them as your most valuable asset. Inexperienced doesn't mean unqualified, but it does beg the question as to motives when the Board consistently provides directives/objectives to the ED, and then claims to not have direct involvement with the shelter or its day to day activities. You can't have it both ways. It appears that there is always enough distance and nescience to keep their hands clean, but, never leadership to be a backstop. There is always plausible deniability.

Plausible deniability is a tactic a lawyer would employ. I think the Board has those?

Stacking the deck with youth and naivety is a great way to deflect responsibility elsewhere. That and the 5th. They seem to employ that often too.

The other thing I hear a lot is the political nepotism in the county. I don't have direct first hand experience of that, but if there is smoke, and if you hear it often enough, there probably is some truth to it. Tomorrow is the day I look into this. If the puppies were picked up by AC they were supposed to be on a stray hold. Was this one, simple, integral right of theirs pardoned? If so was any licensed, credentialled veterinarian at the helm of this decision?

Professionalism. Well, I suppose it is a soapbox others can stand on, but, when you tell me there isn't a guarantee of 100% success with this treatment option, therefore it justifies euthanizing all of the parvo dogs, we might want to reconsider what does offer 100% in life? See post about the shelter declining to treat the parvo puppies with the treatment we offered (for free, just in case we need a reminder) here.

The previous employees I have spoken to all chorus the same things. The patterns repeat themselves.

"I was punished because I cared too much."

"I didn't speak out because it never got the other people anywhere."

"I stayed quiet because if they fired me I wouldn't be able to see the dogs/cats anymore." (How many abused/battered people stay because of this? Trauma is trauma).

"The Board doesn't care."

"They euthanize for space."

"The numbers don't add up." (The No-Kill status and the operating budget).

"The Board never is seen, or heard, or a part of the shelter." (Leadership at its finest, was tagged numerous times).

"The dogs are euthanized for no reason."

"The dogs are set up to have a behavioral problem and then euthanized because of it." Withholding food. Reducing meals to once a day. The stress of the facility. Dogs are going to respond to stimuli. In almost all cases dogs are mis-read and punished for it. Making an assessment of a dogs responses when they are in the most stressful place they will ever be placed in is unfair.

Snoop. Found in a steel leg hold trap. Local rescue.

Tactic Three; The Patsy.

The system will always make the Patsy pay. Until we all unite against political pressures, power grabs, and the insidious nature of wealth accumulation, this will never stop. If you asked me to predict the outcome of this it is; the Board never cared enough to be invested to begin with. They would prefer to save face at the witching hour and will quietly ride off into the night, versus stand up when the challenges meet the pavement. They will leave from embarrassment instead of humility and hope that the next guy can do a better job. Leadership is about passing the baton for the sake of the troops you respect. The Captain goes down with the ship is how I was raised.

The ED will be replaced. After the silent treatment didn't work, the intimidation didn't squelch the mob, the Patsy goes next. (This will supercede the above). If the above doesn't happen the whole cycle repeats again. History loves to repeat itself if you aren't paying attention. At some point I will take the time to do a follow up on the previous ED's. A whole "Look at where they are now," series. Wonder how many of them are going to look back and feel really good about taking one for the team. Or have Jerseys with a new company logo that says; "Hello, my name is Patsy."

The Patsy extends beyond the board and the executive Director. The Patsy extends to those people who are taking care of the dogs and cats on a personal and individual basis. What kind of place fires a volunteer because they’re more concerned about their image their face and their dollar generating ability then the pets themselves. There is no volunteer who’s gonna volunteer with the trauma that it takes to be in a shelter and then worry about being fired. How can you even do such a thing.Why aren’t they treated like the precious valuable commodity that they are. That’s the ultimate Patsy. Their video here.

Open Letter, Parvo Puppies Shelter, HCHS

 

                                                                                                            March 13, 2025

 

Open letter to the community, board members, staff and residents of the Harford County Humane Society,

            As a private veterinary practice owner, previous volunteer at the shelter and compassionate advocate for animal welfare I would like to open a productive discussion to assist in providing transparency and preventative/interventional care for the animals in your care. This letter is a direct result of the current parvovirus outbreak that occurred the week of March 9, 2025 and my previous experiences with the shelter.

I, and the staff at Jarrettsville Veterinary Center, want to offer our support and acknowledgment of understanding with the impossibility to remain free and impervious to infectious disease. No shelter, hospital, or organization can be vigilant enough to remain disease free. Infectious disease outbreaks, and the subsequent turmoil they bring, cannot be underestimated or overstated. It is a reality that every pet care professional lives with and fears regardless of our fastidious efforts to avoid it. The shelter has been, and will always be, the most vulnerable and fragile environment for our companion animals. What the shelter also needs to be is the most proactive, prepared and educated resource for this inevitable vulnerability. I have great doubt that the current executive personnel and board members provide adequate care for the pets inside the shelter. I also believe this example presents significant deficiencies in the current decision making for companion animal welfare and infectious disease outbreaks for the shelter residents. Further, these cases provide an example for how the current ethos affects the shelter staff.

It is unknown how many animals were at risk, (i.e. not current on vaccinations to protect against parvovirus), tested, tested positive, sick, or euthanized, (and in what condition as examined by a licensed veterinarian), upon euthanasia. It is also very difficult for me personally to know that there were any dogs euthanized without first being offered care at no cost. Did the Board, executives, (whomever made this decision to euthanize), even know that there is an FDA approved treatment option? Did you know it was being offered at no cost? If so, why was it not provided?

Trust and transparency are the foundation to compassionate care in the shelter system. It is with these in mind that I would like to highlight the following;

Transparency is closing the shelter when infectious disease becomes apparent. It is also notifying and assisting the recent adoptions who may have been impacted.

 

Trust is including all members of the team so that their input, emotional investment and exposure which might subject their own family pets to disease contracted in the workplace feel valued and protected.

To have the degree of trust the community deserves, and the degree of compassion the pet residents warrant can only be done with a licensed veterinary doctor at the forefront of all of the medical decisions these pets face.

The financial risk at the shelter has always felt like it was paramount to the pets, the staff and the community. I say this with the following examples as points of concern;

Multiple executive directors have been fired, removed and placed out of view, without explanation. The shelter has a chronic epidemic of losing, firing, removing personnel at alarming rates. As a volunteer veterinarian, and knowing previous Executive Directors and veterinarians there are consistent concerns that pet care is never at the forefront of life and death decisions. Currently it is speculated that pets are being euthanized for behavioral concerns at an alarming rate. Are there any checks and balances to these pets being put to death? Is there more than one credentialed person who is not related to one another making these decisions?

The Board should never be making medical decisions without a veterinarian’s advice as the guiding influence from the onset. The Board has instead consistently chosen to protect liability above the resident pets lives. It has been my experience that the financial face is consistently placed above the faces of the pets that you care for. It is possible to be honest, vulnerable and maintain integrity that the pets are our purpose.

The timeline as distributed by representatives appears to insinuate that parvovirus was present before the March 10^th press release. Was there a veterinarian overseeing the residents, intake and public interactions at the first positive case? Has anyone taken responsibility for these decisions?

Timeline for assistance as provided by JVC is as follows;

Monday March 10, 2025 immediately after I was notified of an outbreak, I called and offered assistance of any kind needed. The veterinarian on staff given full access to veterinary representatives for parvovirus monoclonal antibody use at no cost.  

Tuesday, March 11, 3 pm called Executive Director, no call back as of Thursday afternoon when this was sent.

Wednesday, March 12, 1047 am, XXX, shelter vet care assistant, called to notify that 4 positive dogs had been euthanized. She stated that their condition “deteriorated rapidly.” I would like to know who made this decision, what their veterinary credentials are, and if any of these pets were considered for free care with the monoclonal antibody offered.

It is my understanding that a dog was adopted out and then tested parvovirus positive due to exposure at the HCHS. Were these adopters notified before their dog became sick? It was also relayed to me that the newly adoptive pet parents were given two options from the HCHS; return to be euthanized, or, seek care at their own cost. If this is true I find the response unacceptable. It is so upsetting that I took it upon myself to reach out to the ER they were at to offer treatment at no cost to them in your absent responsibility to do the right thing to a family who deserves support and compassion at this time.

To summarize I am asking for full disclosure on the current ethos that guides this shelter. I am seeking accountability, responsibility and appropriate credentialed experts to be guiding these pets lives. For all of the donations, dollars, fund drives, and face put forth there is not a degree of trust that personnel dismissed for (alleged) embezzlement, neglect and political reputation preservation are made public. Why have the past directors been dismissed/fired/let go? Where are the dollars the community has worked so hard for gone? When will your staff be given the reigns to care for the pets in your care without liability and cost used as the reasons to sacrifice their emotional well-being? When are you going to be honest about why the budget is so tight that it does not allow the pets in your care the treatment they deserve. It appears to me that you are more interested in covering up than caring for.

While I recognize the degree of difficulty inherent in a public county shelter, I also recognize integrity and responsibility to all that the shelter employs and houses.

It is time for hard self-reflection, honesty and putting the pets back where the public expects them to be; first.

It is time to protect the pets of our community better.

As always, we are here in any capacity that we can assist in the health and well-being of the pets of our community. All you have to do is ask and we will help.

Sincerely,

Dr Magnifico

Jarrettsville Veterinary Center

P.S.

I was asked to not publish this while we, (I will just say I, because at this point it appears as if this is a singular effort in namesake), sought the appropriate chain of command channels. This resulted in the others (credentialled, established, embedded members of the HCHS) tried to decide what their responsibilities and personal preferences were. This should have been sent weeks ago.

The People Of HCHS

We all have a responsibility to take care of each other. The Harford County Animal Shelter is the place our lost, unwanted, found, and in need animals go to if there isn't a pet parent to advocate for them. If you have ever spent time in a place that doesn't have a local shelter you understand why these places are integral to the kindness towards animals. They are the best example of why compassion matters. They house the most vulnerable. The most desperate, and it is an immense responsibility. With these come difficult scenarios, challenges and obstacles. No one argues this. When the shelter is a part of a community that cares deeply about their pets the shelter has to be a reflection of the communities expectations. The good, the bad, everything in between. 

Leadership, ethos, and all that these include have to be the guiding principles.

Our local middle school made posters for shelter awareness

Preface; This was written in response to the parvovirus outbreak at the Harford County Humane Society in early March 2025. The videos I posted have been moved to my YouTube channel. They sparked a discussion so impactful it caused ripple effects I had not foreseen. This is one part of a many part series. This is what happens when you ask for answers and get obstacles, excuses, silence, and an emergence of a throng of others who all have been previously where you are with no avail. 

This is the letter I wrote to bring voices out into the open. To acknowledge the courage of so many trying to help the animals they care about. To shed light on a place we all want to succeed. To speak for those who cannot. 

Here goes opening the can of worms...

I am struggling with where to go from here. What to do with the stories, statements, suffering I have been hearing. 

There are many common threads. People feel exhausted from trying to improve the care of the animals at the shelter. People feel beaten up, afraid. I hear "retaliation" and "bullying" over and over. Many people tried to improve things via the chain of command. Started with their manager. Kept forcing the issue up the ranks. Finally, asked for a meeting with the Board and have never been given the dignity of an acknowledgment. Just silence. It makes you feel so insignificant you question your own motives, thoughts, intentions. 

In the end, and just as in the beginning, this place is supposed to be a safe place. A halfway house for those who need a second chance. A place where everything is centered around compassion and love. Pets are love. The purest form mankind will ever have. We have failed them, failed those who care about them. This is the communities responsibility. We all hold a fragment of that. None of us should need a shelter, but all of the animals do. Let’s get back to there.

 

My mom and Templeton. Her rescue from the HCHS

Preface; much of this was forwarded to me by previous employees who wanted to present these to the Board. They were never given an opportunity to share them. The Board has a position of not allowing people their time.

"Since my employment, before my promotion into management, I have been under constant harassment and verbal abuse from certain members of all departments. It was possibly one of the most toxic work environments I have ever been a part of, so toxic that it bled and intruded into my personal life as well as my professional life. I took a lot of this on the chin without retaliation, I did this because I loved the animals and my job and was not going to allow that to deter me and I knew it was unjustifiable for this treatment towards me.",, "I expressed how I have "compassion fatigue" and how I'm working on things from home often without compensation because I care so much and love this place, but I'm not getting anything back and I am being ghosted and I'm wearing myself down. I had a lot of frustration built up because of everything that transpired, I feel this was known that something was deeply bothering me and no one cared or wanted to give me the time to talk about it.." ,, "this is truly unfair and has ruined me mentally with these games that have been played with me and the rough treatment towards me. Silencing me and removing me has now cost me my position in a job I excel at and have nothing but love and passion for, and has ruined my life after how much I have given to this organization and the animals"

 The above was provided in a letter to the HCHS Board early 2024 after termination. Employee is seeking justification and explanation for termination.

A letter from a volunteer;

".. I don't believe the dogs are getting the best care.. I have been told that the dogs are supposed to go out for walks or at least out of their kennels twice a day and for the majority of the time I am at the shelter, that is not happening. I would even wager to say, on the days I am there, there are dogs that are not even taken out once. I know this because there is a board that lists the dogs and AM and PM walks and there are always many openings to show the dog has not been walked. I am there until 4 pm."

",, the junior staff,, they don't really care about the animals. It is just a job to them. The turnover rate is (high)."

Another volunteers thoughts;

"I have not been going to the shelter as much.  It has been depressing. We used to be able to let one cat out at a time to get exercise. Under new management, that was stopped.  The morale has not been the best. They work short staffed on certain days; also are overworked.  They got rid of a guy XX  because he advocated for the barn animals. XX. This burns the staff out covering animal care and the barn animals. Dogs in kennels are lying in feces;  sometimes they walk in it. Therefore it is all over the run.  I was shocked when I heard XXX left. She cared so much for the animals.  She was their best advocate.  They micromanaged her like no tomorrow.  She was the best investment they had. There used to be an abundance of adult cats where there were overflows.  I am not seeing a lot of cats. Not sure what is going on. Even the tech room was filled with them. There was a cat in isolation that someone had fostered. Thankfully that cat was adopted ASAP. With the money missing, not sure why the board and treasury weren’t overseeing the funds.  They also have a bookkeeper.  None of this adds up. Now they had to halt construction on finishing up the new building to lack of funds.  The board could care less. They are in it for their own status and gains. They make bad decisions. They allowed  bullying , harassing, and toxic environment with staff members. It was so bad that XXXX went to lunch and didn’t return . They did not like her because she was friends with someone the staff didn’t like. XXXX was amazing! They treated her so bad.  Meanwhile , they kept some of the bullies.  At first, I wasn’t going to adopt from there. I had a bad experience with the adoption director. XXXX is the reason why I adopted. She fostered and adopted the cats that were special needs or difficult. She was extremely dedicated and gave her life to the shelter! I feel like the board has no interest in the shelter because they have no shelter experience. Then they have a dog trainer on the board.  They have clients bringing their dogs to the shelter and training  the grounds and in the training room. So then the shelter animals do not have a meet and greet.  Who is not to say that one of their puppies could be shedding the Parvo virus.  It is so political. I feel sorry for the new executive director being thrown into a bad situation with no experience.  I am sure she is frustrated."

Excerpts from other employees/former employees; left within the last year.

"The shelter was often at full capacity with dogs, ,, management would bring in puppies from high-kill shelters down south to take to adoption events like the car show at the Baltimore Convention Center to make money. The shelter brought in 3 litters of puppies from Texas for one auto show when the shelter was already full of dogs who deserved the chance to go to events for exposure. However, every year the long-timers got left behind because the puppies generate more money for the shelter and attracted a lot of publicity. In addition all the puppies had to be housed at the shelter for several days/weeks and were often kept in small airline crates and left in offices overnight because we had no open kennels.An urgent plea was often sent out asking for fosters because we were already out of space before bringing in the puppies, however, dogs that were already under the microscope for euthanasia were then euthanized to open space for the puppies."

* note from me; this story is disturbing on a few levels;

The response from the HCHS on why the parvo puppies were not able to be attempted to be saved/treated was because they couldn't quarantine, or had no space to do so. And, they do not have “the financial luxury of gold standard of care.” My response was to remind them that all we offered was free. There seems to be some doubt in our genuine intent. Perhaps another defensive deflective tactic? Further, it is described previously, on multiple occasions that animals spill over into other areas of the shelter for care when needed. I believe that there is also a building halfway completed, but funds ran out? Previous puppies who needed quarantine time (prev vet tried to save a puppy who needed rabies quarantine, although it was her professional opinion that the puppy did not have rabies) were euthanized by management, after she told them she would take the puppy for the quarantine period (ask me I have done it with my kittens, it can be done), that the puppy was best euthanized then kept in a crate. It is possible to quarantine in a room inside a room. The vets puppy would have had a better life than their car show puppies.

"Staff would be terminated or forced out of their position if they spoke up on behalf of the animals, (*note; I have heard this repeatedly). It was made known that "Maryland is an at-will state" and staff could be terminated for any reason. 

Let me go off on the idea of "terminating volunteers."  If any organization is lucky enough to have a volunteer you embrace them whole-heartedly. People are reluctant to step into a shelter, (too depressing, sad, etc), and you are going to threaten to fire them? Or fire them? (PS late entry, I heard two others were recently terminated from volunteering). How many is this in total?

"The animals were being fed twice a day, however, the decision was made by "leadership" to reduce feeding the animals to only once daily to save money. The dogs were only fed in the morning and it was obvious that they were hungry and underweight. Some dogs that were extremely underweight were requested to be twice daily by the staff. Because of the decrease in feeding, dogs were exhibiting signs of food aggression and those that already food aggression got worse and were ultimately euthanized."

Dogs, burn calories at very high rates when they are stressed. Any animal, or anyone in any unfamiliar environment, is going to require a higher caloric intake due to their body having to meet the incredible number of stressors they face. Being in survival mode burns calories at a rate higher than anything else.

"Funds were spent on staff parties and the dogs went hungry. These dogs are stressed out all day. They jump at the door. They run in circles. They run on adrenaline and need extra calories (among a lot of other things)."

Another employee who left last year;

"We had dogs surrendered to us with known health issues that they didn't examine and just threw in kennels to where xx staff found them collapsing and dying because they weren't receiving the care they needed. The dogs in the tech kennels would never have water and would be covered in feces and urine. They thought it was beneath them to care for the dogs....."

"I could go on for days about how poorly they treat the animals. ,,, I appreciate you taking the time to read this. I still have screenshots of emails from my time there, I still have names and dates of the animals that passed away. ,,,, I wish things could get better they need to make a change."

Here's what strikes me as strange. No one in any of the letters complains about the inherent nature of the shelter. No one even mentions any of the things a regular person would. Things like; people left healthy animals there to adopt a younger one. Animals were surrendered that had no evidence of being ... well, whatever (too old, too loud, too hyper). No one ever complains about any of the things that keep adopters from entering a shelter. The stigma of a shelter. The inherent sad, depressing reality that shelters need to exist. With all of the hard realities of a shelter these people accepted them and still felt purpose and belonging within them. They still wanted to be a part of the shelter, for all of its difficulty, just to be there with the animals who needed them too. To hear they are punished, discriminated against, because of this? That’s ludicrous and perhaps grounds for their compensation/retaliation?

92% placement?
What does that even mean?

These are people of trauma. People who live with despair and heart ache. These people all were there because they care about animals. They deserve to have their voices heard. They asked to have their voices heard. They deserve a thank you and a place of gratitude and compassion for trying to help the animals of our community. The shelter is an incredibly hard place to be, the people and animals there deserve nothing but compassion and support. 

There is more to this. More stories. I have to read them in small amounts. Then call/email the author to say, "I'm sorry. Thank you for all you did. It made all the difference for those animals. They needed you and you were there for them. It is the most generous, kindest form of love. You are amazing. Someone needs to tell you that. Someone should have told you that before me."

Multiple people have spoken about the dog with the pyometra surgery who was “found dead with her intestines hanging out” the next morning when her family came to adopt her. The cause of death provided was given as “complications related to surgery.”

The stories go on. The grief goes on. We have to do better.

The 33 Parvo Puppies of Ukraine.

It's Wednesday morning. I am drinking coffee like its an Egyptian reincarnation elixir. Smooth, strong, bold. I close my eyes, grip the cup firmly. Sit back and breathe hoping that some magic vapor of it will infuse my body and reignite its desire to go on. There are remnants of the ashes of me left to try to re-assemble into a human being once again. Feel alive. Get up. Just move forward. For just one more day. If I can make it to Thursday I think it will be ok.... I think...  I hope. I breathe. I sip,,,

My mom,, she loved her coffee

It is the same every week. The long, endless days of too many people with too many sick patients and never enough money to allow them passage anywhere else. This is my life now. Arduous and yet so fulfilling I cannot remove myself from the pride shadowing the exhaustion.  Breathe. Sip.

I love mine too

I remember being in the Ukraine. The exhaustion I existed within there. That place, those memories. It is my litmus test for measuring grit, determination, and life. It is my pivot point. The inflection marker. The spot in my timeline that has become the yardstick for everything else. All of life before, and after, can be boiled down and reduced to that. That survival for all you know, and how hard you will fight. How hard you will push your body because your mind is so determined to make this existence not become your life-long reality. Nothing will measure up against Ukraine. Nothing ever could. 

Ukraine. Our compound cat

Ukraine was an ominous, looming feeling more than a place. Equal parts haunting, cruel, and inspiring. Mankind is always at their most impressive when its at its lowest, most desperate place. I remember driving for hours. There is no airport inside. The trains are few and far between. In a war the infrastructure gets hit first. It cripples the country. Cuts them off from the outside. Choke holds are strategic. You see mountains of fortified make-shift guard posts along the roadside. Whole town's blown to pieces. Detritus of shambled foundations with jagged edges and displaced lives beside them. As if still staking claim to a place they used to belong to. Elderly people staring off as if entranced or paralyzed. That despondent despair is pervasive, catatonic, sad married to depressing. People are lost, afraid. The air raids go off all day and night. The constant reminder that Russia has sent another weapon into their home. There are no middle class residents left. They all bailed in the beginning. The teenagers were all drafted via the fast track into soldiers. Alert, swarmed, clustered in groups, heavily armed, chatting like teenagers do, giggling and yet not looking at each other. Always scanning their surroundings in a reverse football huddle. Army green fatigues obviously new to them, but already worn out from the accelerated training they were thrown into. A visual reminder that these kids were forced to grow up too fast. Around them barricades of sandbags 2 stories high. Always smoking. People looking at death within months smoke, and get pregnant. The only place a teenager is not glued to their phone is a war zone. I rarely left the compound, hours deep into the country, but when I did I always traveled with a translator. A Ukrainian resident who made my passage, as limited as it was, safe. I never spoke in public. I never gave myself away. I recorded everything in photos and a journal. It seemed too unreal to be believed later without current proof that it had all happened. The indelibility of it all put to paper and video. Photos of the 500 plus dogs at the Droog shelter hidden away in the middle of a blown apart country.

Droog shelter. 500 dogs crowded and trapped

One of the many byproducts of war

So many things stir inside from that time. The oddity of not seeing my feet for weeks. (You never change your socks if it is cold, wet and you have no access to laundry. As long as my feet were warm and dry I just had to believe the toes still lay beneath). The degree of dirty your hair gets in a dark compound full of dogs and cats and a kerosene heater. The walking the dogs all day, trip after trip. Some mad carousel with no destination. Walking the dogs was my only escape. They loved it more than I did, and I can tell you I cherished it. An abandoned parking lot around some dilapidated warehouses with few areas of grass. The few grassy knolls we could find were littered with broken glass and needles. Another reminder that peace would not come easy. The hardness and grief that sticks and stays. You cannot ever get away from it. It owns you, worse than fear, more suffocating that despair. It is loss, and fear, and mercy, wrapped in hope with shards.

I went to Ukraine for reasons that will never be fully explainable. I have written and admitted to most of these before. 

The reasons I left have not been disclosed. Not fully. 

In the last days of my well-intentioned-visit I realized the full extent of the naivety of the self-inflated avaricious goons, (mostly American, Canadian and Bulgarian), I was housed as a guest with showed its true colors. These chain-smoking tatted hooligans were so broken and medicated that their intentions to rescue and protect the animals stuck in the middle of this war zone were never completely thought out, nor discussed. They went on these secret middle of the night raids to "save" animals and rarely understood, nor planned the consequences of these decisions. They had recruited me to be the vet for these rescues, yet they never asked for their experts perspective or advice on anything. I was a credential expert expected to be quiet and clean excrement. Cleaning cages and commiserating with the caged rescues was at least a purpose. These rescue trip charades, their testosterone fueled mid-night escapades, brought horrors of epic proportions. I was the only one who saw and prepared for the inevitable consequences of pillaging and hoarding animals in a war torn country without rails. I was brought into Ukraine to help the animals. I was recruited into the country by the ringmaster of said gang by urging me that I just wouldn't be any help outside the borders of Ukraine. (He was right about that). Getting anything out of Ukraine was ridiculously muddled and therefore impossible with ever changing policies, people and paperwork. Getting in, well, that was easy. Ukraine took anyone willing to step across three zones of barbed wire, an Army of assault weapons, tanks, and air so stale it felt suffocating. Nothing on this planet can describe the transition zones of a country at war and their geographically free neighbors. They met you at the border with open arms, and a smarmy shadow of lost boys trying to negotiate anything to be permitted the chance at being smuggled out (anyone between 14 and 60 was drafted and required to stay). There is a cafe, just inside Ukraine at the border entrance that stays dimly light, serving never ending cups of rancid coffee, 24/7. It is the gas station you fill up at as you wait the days it might take to get wherever you think you can alive in. This is the dead zone. Dead to those trying to leave. Dead to those weary of wandering in. 12 hours into the country by car the compound with the rescued animals I was supposed to care for sat. A cement barracks so dark you couldn't do anything without a flashlight we were warned to use with caution, or waiting for daybreak. Everything was done while the sun was up. A dozen dogs and cats caged to keep safe for some unknown break in a war so they could resume a life. It was long days and a bleak existence. I might have been recruited to be a veterinarian in a place that needed one desperately, but, I was not permitted to actually practice what I had been trained to do. 

A fridge of vaccines sat quietly hooked to the only generator we had. It was the only thing that was kept cold outside of a cooler used for the long car rides the boys had to go rescue some pet somewhere when the Ghostbuster phone rang.

 It is all a muddled dream of mankind's worst and humanities intentions. All gone awry in between. 

More on Ukraine here

Two weeks in to my stay and the moral in the compound was low. This team existed on the next adrenaline fix and the tank was low. One early morning, (the gang always left after midnight), they took the trucks and rolled out. When they returned that afternoon, the boys showed up with 33 puppies in 5 cages. They marched into the compound full smiles.Lumbering in like Santa with a gravid sack of new presents. They legitimately thought that they had "rescued" them to have them be better off with us. I had witnessed them before buying the animals as some kidnapping meets hijacking ransom. They had paid for the bear, the wolf, the diabetic dog. They had cash from their viral videos and they had no problem buying an animals "freedom." I knew the second that I saw these puppies that they were all likely to die. I still believe that these puppies were props for social media fodder and fundraising. The rest of the volunteers spilled them out like candy. They spent the rest of the day in bouncing, baby, bitey-kissey puppy piles. The kids with their Christmas toys. All new and excited. I left the next day. Over the next weeks all but 3 died. The veterinarian who remained, (also recruited), and two others worked all day and night for 14 days to save them. This is not just the outcome of war, this is the outcome of power plays and idiots deciding how to manage infectious disease. I heard that three of the other older dogs also died. Three of the dozen that the "head vet tech" wouldn't let me vaccinate. I was told I couldn't vaccinate because I wasn't a Ukrainian vet. The dogs and cats didn't care who vaccinated them, but most of them died because no one vaccinated them. I left because I was part of some guys mistaken altruism. I left because I knew I wasn't helping animals I was harboring infectious disease agar. I left because I can help the pets of my community in a real way. There is parvo in my own backyard. There are unvaccinated dogs in my own backyard.

Poe. Our parvo puppy. Story here

This plays out to this day. The local shelter is stuck in a save face powerplay that is just costing pets their lives. Infectious disease is going to find a way to survive in the weakest, smallest and most vulnerable. It is an inherent, omni-present reality of too many lives in too small an enclosed space. It is the cost of mixing populations. Housing the lost, surrendered without previous adequate medical care, and just plain old bad luck fate. I purchased the parvo treatment on my own dime to save the lives here I can try to save. I offered it for free, and any supplies that would be needed, to save the 30 puppies I couldn't in Ukraine. The shelter had an outbreak. These are inevitable in large populations of animals. When it happened I offered care immediately. I was dismissed and the puppies were euthanized without a chance at recovery, and to my knowledge without veterinary oversight. A tragedy yet again, and this time in my own backyard. 

More on our parvo outbreak here. 

There are a lot of layers to this tragedy. A lot of people who are responsible and want to make excuses as to why this is acceptable. I will fight for these three puppies (there were 4 that died in total), and hope that it makes the next outbreak allow some survivors. There is no chance when euthanasia is the only option provided. There HAS TO BE A veterinarian at the forefront of medical cases. There has to be a group effort to save them and not just try to eradicate the disease that they are afflicted with as collateral consequence. The common thread is that you have to have credentialled experts leading the decisions. If you don't it will cost lives. If you don't the responsibility for those lives is on the hands of the leaders behind the decisions. That is called accountability. It's the collateral damage to being in charge.

There is a treatment in a bottle that offers help. As soon as it came on the market I bought it. It stays in the freezer at the clinic with the hope that it might save one puppy I couldn't save in Ukraine. I give it away as some small way to pay it forward. There will always be that vial in my freezer and that hole from those 30 puppies in my heart.

Watching a dog die, always a puppy, from parvovirus is wrenching. Knowing it died when it was preventable, infuriating. If needed I would give that vaccine away too if it meant I never had to endure watching that suffering.

My puppies. Rescued from shelters.

Did we talk about the shelter buying/transporting from high kill states down south puppies for adoption events at the Motor Show at the Baltimore Convention Center? Why bring your own dogs when you can import puppies? More on that soon. (Deja vu, right? except wrong continent). 

When No One Else's Opinion Matters

 "... so if I come in this week to put her down will you be ok with it?"

It isn't the first time someone has said this to me. Asked me for grace wrapped in permission.

It always strikes me as quixotic. This asking for forgiveness to be given as a form of equal parts willing participation and peaceful acceptance. As if I hold some power I do not recognize myself.

What does my opinion matter? Why would you let anyone else's judgement cloud your own?

I always take great pause to reflect when this is directed at me.

Who am I in your pets life? What influence do I hold? Why should you care about what I think?

...and yet I surmise that I know the answer, or part of the answers, to all of these. 

I have been the navigator to this girls every medical challenge and endeavor her whole life. I have been a part of every choice, decision, obstacle and surgery. There has never been a time where her life's choices haven't been discussed together. Her mom is a dear friend. She has grown into someone I adore and cherish. We did this, we grew into this, over Bella.

Maybe I am shying away from the weight of this question? Too comfortable in the minutia. The advocating for all that kept her safe and healthy, yet, deflecting cowardly when the final decision has to be made. 

Maybe I am a fairweather friend? So deeply entrenched I cannot see her past myself?

Maybe I am too deep to bail out?

Too thin to save from shattering.

Too ingrained to know where the professional obligation ends and the rest of me that still adores her begins?

Maybe we are in this together and she wants me to pick sides knowing Bellas story is ending and we will still need each other on the other side. The survivors side. The remorseful, guilty, heartbroken and alone side.

Bella is now 15. A shepherd mix who was once a spry, spicy, opinionated and complex. She was calculating and discerning. A true shepherd. They love you the first time they meet you and dislike you increasingly exponentially with fervent disdain every next time. I take great pride in being the exception to this universal rule. She has tolerated me, accepted me, and I dare say even liked me, from day one to today. 

Her mom tells me that she still gets excited to see me, looks for me as soon as she enters the clinic, and smiles as I approach. As I enter the room, just like every time before, she pushes her way to me and beside me. I wrap my arms around her and whisper our traditional "hello," and "I love you."  

"You love her and she is dying. My opinion shouldn't matter." I told her what she needed to hear, what I truly need her to hear from me. 

"I am here to help you. I am always on your side."  

What I hope she knows is that Bella could have never had a better life with anyone else and I am honored, grateful and humbled to have been a part of it.

It’s times like it is that everything falls back into perspective. We are reminded about what’s important, and what isn’t. And all of the other little problems just become minutia. 

Then I remembered it’s always this way. I live in this world. The world where life is fleeting and short and precious, and never to be taken for granted. That is the life of anyone in medicine and anyone who loves anyone else.

What I know is that this life I have lived, these souls I have shared it along the way with, these people at the other end of the leash, they all mattered. The reasons that people love their pets so much. They were the reasons I came here. The reasons I can't ever leave. There is purpose, and fulfillment, joy, grief and every shade of every meaningful emotion in between under this roof. It is the marrow of a lifetime that being vulnerable, honest, dedicated and absolutely completely emotionally invested without care to what that might cost you delivers. Bella is the reason we are who we are. 

What I hope that others see is that its ok to throw your whole heart into something. Its ok to grieve like life will never hold its color again in the same way. It's an honor to be a part of a journey so rich and deep it changes you. Its life that is intended to hurt so you know how good it is. We are all in this together. It is what makes us so fortunate and rich. Mankind would be better off as a whole if more people had pets in their lives. Nothing else holds more influence in compassion, companionship, and community than the interdependence of sharing your life with another. They don't judge, they ask so little, and yet they reflect more kindness back than you ever invest. They keep us feeling human as we are reminded that humanity is our greatest attribute.

I don't just bear witness to these lives. We are a part of them.

The End From The Beginning

 ....what if we all started everything here?

The End.

...let's start every decision, every big life event, every meaningful intention-led action by imagining ourselves at the end,,

and then march yourself back.. 

by living the life you want to end at.

Me, I want to close this book of my life with one single thing as my legacy.

I was always my patients best friend,

biggest advocate,

fiercest warrior,

and most adoring fan.

Nothing more mattered enough to change these..

The End begins, begins again, and will always be here.

mic drop

Fresh Meat

You Don't Know What You Don't Know..

Penny. One of our dearest friends and a local rescue

The staff have notified me that you are headed to a nearby practice that has just sold to corporate. I want to respectfully and sincerely share my experience and insight on this decision. And apologize for the tone. 

I spoke to the seller, (a veterinarian I have known for the 20 years I have been a veterinarian), about two weeks ago. She told me that she sold to corporate, (a corporate company I also know), and I told her that I understood why people do it, I just could not understand her doing it. She was the last and only other practice owner besides myself who I believed would never imagine selling corp. 

Here’s what I don’t think you know. You are young. Just starting,  In debt yes, but you still have your heart, compassion and integrity. Your sign on bonus and contract are going to challenge that. Corporate companies have no interest in patients unless they have deep pockets. You will be expected to turn away or euthanize treatable pets because they are not inline with their profits. Period. They don’t care about anything unless there is a profit driven reason. They only care about you because you have a license and a contract. Without them they don’t care about you either. I could put you in touch with a dozen former corp vets who worked for them. They would all verify this.

If you think being in debt is the worst part of your current position it’s not. Being burnt out and turned into an indifferent person who doesn’t love vetmed is. Even worse, becoming a part of the statistic that is so shameful we bury it. We can talk about all of the myriad of reasons that veterinarians choose suicide, but, losing ourselves in the process of trying to care for others is at the forefront. 

Corporate medicine is so insidious in our profession that they now start recruiting the most debt-ridden students, (it is not a coincidence they start here), in their first or second year of vet school. By third year they have "signed." They are receiving "pay" in the way of stipends and expected to take their internships at their corporate run practices. They are constantly groomed and persuaded to pay back the favors enticed by large (always secret) sign on bonuses and long restrictive contracts. The contracts are the most horrific parts of this recruitment trade. I don't know if anyone on the university side has these graduates interests on their job description, but I know that when I was in vet school I at least had a professional advisor on campus. A recent new grad was sharing the details of the contract they had signed. $160,000 for 60 hours of appointments. Sixty hours is twice what any of the vets at my practice carry. The state average is about $130,000. This is endangerment labor. I strongly challenge the viability of anyone being able to learn effectively, care for patients effectively and then being locked in for 5 years!? An internship and residency last 5 years and when they are completed the expected salary triples. What is going to happen to this student? She is going to want her life back. Or, she is going to quit vetmed feeling like toast.

I never require a contract with new vet’s because I never want them to feel obligated or pressured to be anything other than who they are. If you aren’t happy here I want you to find the place you are. You cannot give your heart and soul and feel purposeful and good about yourself if you are contracted to anyone. 

I know this is not what you want to hear. But, I want you to know I am here for you. 

A veterinarian who sells their practice to corporate is asked to stay around for awhile. Help it look like the transition is gradual and under their guidance and acceptance. Maintain a facade as the new regime takes hold. It is all a part of keeping the most profitable plan by the new owners. In exchange for a whole lot of money the departing practice owner has to give up all that they built and all of his decades of building something amazing to vultures. They will always know that they profited from this sale and their staff clients and patients will pay for that. 

I hope that you find a place that you love. And love vet med as much in 5,10, and 20 years down the road. Never ever let anyone take away your passion or compassion.

I wish you well. I hope I am wrong about the direction that the clinic is headed for. The seller thinks it will remain the place she built and is proud of. I hope she is right too.

 Krista. 

Spencer, always shy and skeptical.
A local rescue

This is the letter I sent to a former employee who is started work at a corporately owned practice upon graduation. He has a big heart and he has worked hard to get into and out of vet school. He is like so many students who are lured by corporate reps who promise all sorts of things to get them to enlist. I spoke to one student who was given a big sign-on (about their first years salary ($140,000) for a 5 year commitment and a 60 hour a week appointment schedule. This leaves them to make phone calls,, review blood work/diagnostics and write up their cases on their own time outside of that. I would expect that will leave them working 80 hours a week. They are now earning $33/hour, and miserable.

What you don't know, you don't know. Maybe the first person who approaches you with the shiny objects and the impressive dollars doesn't have your best interests in mind? Maybe it's time the vet schools take a stance on predatory practices if they aren't already one themselves?

Maybe it's time we start asking some hard questions as consumers and start whistleblowing for the sake of our patients, our emotional bonds with them, and the people we entrust with their care. (More on this to follow).

Add reaction