Gratitude. The Grace That Hardship Gifts

Farewell 2017. It has been a year of ups and downs. A year I am struggling to find a reason to ever want to traverse through again. There were hard lessons and the end brings forth preparation for resolutions more reliant on self-preservation to protect from losing the part of myself I hold most dear. The end brings graceful acceptance and gratitude that I am still standing.

There are lessons in struggles. It is my belief that if you don't stop, dissect them, understand the cause to the pain, suffering, and disease, you are likely to be back here again. Medicine is the same. Every disease/illness/affliction has a cause; a sequence of events that allowed it to happen, a host response that saw some benefit to permit it to perpetuate and flourish, and there has to be a conscious effort to provide a cure or your host self will succumb, or, lie in wait to become the victim once again. Who wants to relive, revisit, and get stuck in the same merry-go-round of pain and struggle? You can throw in the towel to be replaced by a headstone and a memory, OR, you can learn to live and walk on stronger. Parvo puppies who survive never get parvo again.

I am here. Stuck between a belief that is the very core of the person, (the vet as they are one in the same) I am, standing beside what I believe in, and facing the reality that at some point I may have to chose to just get out alive if I cannot convince myself that I am strong enough to keep going. At some point you have to put up armor, stop beating yourself up, and care a whole lot less about what other humans think about you, while trying to not become as uncaring as these same people have become to you.

At some point you walk away older, wiser, and stronger. Or, you give up. You learn hard lessons and become grateful for them. They build you into a stronger, more resilient, gritty soul.

At some point you seek more credible sources for judging your own self worth and trust the puppies, kittens, your own kids, and your own patients, who love you unconditionally. If you can trust them perhaps you can even grow so much as to try to reciprocate it to all others across all species lines? I have to learn this. It isn't easy. I'm not having an easy time with much of it.

How many of my colleagues hope I give up? How many will celebrate in their successful destruction of another? Is their gain, my loss? Or, is it the concession to the chips I am willing to throw on the table? This profession of mine. Where death is so rampant, is trying to become the death of one of me. It is the sole source of the pain I am burying with 2017's departure.

The problem of killing each other, our companions, and our own soul is as pervasive as the hateful judgmental vitriol that spreads like cancer we cannot put into remission long enough to reflect on the gifts of gratitude and beauty we all know lies in the ripples of each struggle. Economic euthanasia, the indifference we hold with it, and the abandonment of serving all of those less fortunate then ourselves are my enemies. I bring these old enemies with me into 2018. But I do so with a resolve to search for healthier ways to do it, and more resolve to cure them. I HAVE to bring them with a clearer firmer steadfast course forward. 2018 holds new challenges, old struggles and back up plans I never thought I would have to consider. But as with each new beginning there will be an end. I just have to get out alive, and still care about the person I carry through every journey. My patients need the exact same commitment from me.

To every vet reading an obit to some soul who fell along this journey I hope that you remember compassion matters most while we are still trudging away from fates indifference.

I am grateful to be challenged. I am grateful to know who I am. To be able to walk away because there is a problem I can tackle better from the outside without fear of alienation, castigation, and recourse. You can be stripped and beaten but you decide if you walk away to hide, or to be who you were born to be. I'm here exchanging exoskeletons on the dawn of a new year ripe with possibilities, burgeoning on the eruption of the rebirth of humanity or demise of trust in loves endless hopeful potential.

At the end I am going to try to be grateful that life wasn't easy. I am most grateful that I am not hoping or expecting that it will get easier. To fear that wishing for easier is going to cost me more than I can die with. I can at least leave without feeling pushed out of the nest. I can leave for another quest, a higher purpose, a better resolve to a problem that fear prohibits my peers in facing. I am not going to read one more obit for one more vet that says "I never knew she struggled so much". This profession of excuses to protect us from feeling responsible eats us away.

I hear you. Each person out there struggling silently.

I would much rather stand with the masses I serve, the patients I hope to help than the hateful crowd whose infighting, neglect and sheer indifference marks time by obits to each other. Never in my life have I been treated so hatefully by strangers. I am not denying my contribution in the passion that emotional ties to our pets elicits, but, the problem of our societies hate and misery lies within our ranks as much as it lies outside of them.

Gratitude for the really difficult times of 2017 lies within my family too. This family extends from those who have known me through every year and decade to those who share their family with our Jarrettsville Vet family every day. If I have to carry a torch to find more compassion whilst feeling alone and damned I can only do so because I have them to remind me that I am not alone. Alone is a terribly heartbreaking place to be. Courage, determination, and conviction cannot offset crushing despair from loneliness.

Farewell 2017. I have few parting words to leave you with, therefore, I will greet 2018 with optimism, eagerness, and gratitude. I don't have to sum you up to want to leave you behind. I can just march forward less inclined to slow down to answer the demands of the angered mob, and more determined to build something worth preserving.

Here's my To-Do list for 2018;
1. "Get Out Alive" series. A blog, a plan, a schematic for the most common conditions that cause economic euthanasia to be chosen.
2. Storylines. We share, you learn, pets win.
3. Veterinary Patients Bill Of Rights.
4. Build a grassroots network unlike any before, more powerful than corporate controlled greed allowing the chasm between available and affordable pet care to grow wider and deeper. (This might be more than I can accomplish in one year).

Be who you are. Be not ashamed to be different, and always be kind.

For more information on me, and my vet clinic, Jarrettsville Veterinary Center, please see;

Here is our complete Jarrettsville Veterinary Center Price Guide for 2017

If you would like to follow our Facebook page you can learn more about us. If you have a pet question you can ask it for free at Pawbly.com. You can also find interesting pet facts, cases and stories at my YouTube channel and @FreePetAdvice.

The Second Round of Denial, Self-Pity.

Take a little stroll through LinkedIn, the Facebook pages of the veterinary management professionals, or, if you have access, take another little peak inside the "secret" pages of Facebook veterinary organizations. The backlash of complaining, sniveling, and nastiness is unsurpassed. The themes all center on a key point. They refer to "a video" or a "divisive rant" but the professionals of these are all circling their wagons, mounting their ammunition, and feeding the frenzy of fear based anger with more palatable axioms like "fatigue", "ethics" and "self righteousness." The war is real.

The anger runs deep and cuts hard. It runs on all sides now. At least for whatever consequences we all face the anger is universal. People are hurt, deeply. They are legitimately scarred. There is, however, NOT a universal responsibility to all sides to acknowledge this. Sure, the vet community at large can shoot the messenger, punish the singular face that brought this into light, but the mob behind the viral video is awake and now they feel acknowledged. The first weeks of the videos backlash included personal attacks to all of my social media, the clinic staff, and a real fear for my personal safety. This last week has become an onslaught of blogs by veterinary professionals feeling sorry for themselves. They are "tired". Well, for the record, are all tired. Let's just give each other that. Except that the other side has been tired for decades. (Who is the other side anymore?) At least you aren't also heartbroken that you were made to feel like an irresponsible, uncaring parent. Or lied to. Or guilt-tripped into paying for something without full disclosure that the same service might be available for a fraction of the cost down the road? Because that might be unethical? We are all tired. Tired of feeling inadequate, uncompensated, and unacknowledged. People put their pets down. We (the whole vet professional community) knew this, we tolerated it, we at worst excused and accepted this, and now we are too tired to say "I'm sorry" and move forward together. It's just another divide we place.

The wave of millions of people who feel that we failed them, (read the comments,, they use stronger words like "lied", "cheated", "killed", "extorted", etc) is real. These are real people. Real clients. People who loved, lost and can't get over it. Stop blaming them, they don't need judgement. They need help and we are responsible for too much of the vitriol to be ganging up, feeding more anger, and fess up.

You aren't tired, your burden is the anger that swells. For some it is self doubt, self reflection, inability to admit you are not perfect and that blind spot is the face of indifference you show the public countered by the mob mentality you show the vet community. You're burdened. The burden makes you feel "tired". The only way to unload the burden is to face it. Acknowledging your role in it by listening to those who feel wronged, accepting your part in it, and offering open ended solutions to resolving it.

Somewhere between both sides lies responsibility to uncover the truth.. maybe the only sincere way to set the burdened consciousness free for both sides. I'm exhausted too. Exhausted from apologizing when no one else can. When no one else will stand up for the people we serve when we disappoint them. Because the hurt goes both ways. And in the middle is the pet. That's the middle. Where the truth lies.

P.S. This blog was posted and pulled last week when a few torch bearing vets missed its point. I have attempted to edit it so as they might better understand it's intent. This, again, is not about you OR me, it is about the pet parents.. stop being such a bunch of egotistical haters, grow up, say you are sorry if you hurt someone. It's what you are teaching your kids to do in times of conflict,, isn't it?

P.S.S If you are such a coward as to leave an anonymous comment I reserve the right to delete it, post it, and/or cut and paste it with your IP address link.

If you have a pet who is the love of your life we want to hear about it. We are here for pet people across the globe. Building a place where information is free, compassion is universal and the pet ALWAYS COMES FIRST. Please join us on Pawbly.com. Open to everyone who loves pets. Dedicated to education, inspiration and empowerment. Because no one is ever alone,,, even if they are "exhausted".

Related articles; No More Blaming and Shaming: What Vets & Pet Parents Need To Understand About Each Other. Vet Billing, Suzanne Cannon.

I am also at Jarrettsville Vet, in Jarrettsville Maryland, where "economic euthanasia" is never a treatment option, and compassion is always free AND readily available.

Also on Twitter, YouTube, and Facebook (where the troll guards are still (sadly) on duty.. ;-) ).

Video here.

Want to know about the costs at Jarrettsville Vet? Look here on our website Jarrettsvillevet.com

"It's Not My Cat Either"

Seems that many people believe that every stray, hurt, or unwanted animal is the vets responsibility. It's as if everyone in the community believes that we have signed some imaginary contract, or make some voluntary pledge upon graduation, to the neighborhood we hang our shingle in that we are the local receptacle for all things four legged in need.

Mystique and Cy.
Both are at the clinic now and in need of a home.

I suppose many would say that I did it to myself. That when we at Jarrettsville Vet began taking on these forlorn creatures who had no other compassionate options elsewhere that we were opening Pandora's box and inviting the perception that we are also a shelter. What else was I supposed to do? If I can help I feel obligated and compelled to do so. And so we do. We try very hard to do as much as we can. But when you crack the gates you should be prepared for the flood to follow.

We are now getting calls from loads and loads of people. It was intended to be a safety net for our patients and clients but has become pleas from friends of "friends", shelters referring anyone and everyone, and even other vets referring their financially strapped clients to us. It becomes unmanageable. We simply do not have room for them all. Worst of all too few people who find pets and say they are "trying to help" really want to make, take, or provide any meaningful help. They want to think and feel like they are "helping", but it can't "cost them anything," and they "can't really do anything." If you don't shoulder the burden of this needy pet and thereby remove the guilt from their eyes they too often become angry/unkind with pointed fingers and blame insinuating that somehow we retracted our obligation to be the safety net for societies furry citizens.

Angus.
Also in need of a home.

"I found this cat near my house. If I didn't take her inside the foxes would have eaten her. (Client then takes out ipad to show me pictures of said fox). She's not my cat. She's a stray. I can't pay for stuff that isn't for my cat. What if the owner comes forward after I spend all this money?"

It's a sales pitch. A way to clean the palate of impending doom. She came prepared with slides and a business plan. I am the skeptical Philanthropist. Between us sits a tabby cat contentedly sleeping.

"OK, let me get this straight?" My first words to the prosecution begin as;

• "She is, or, is not, a stray? You seemed sure that she was 5 minutes ago when you gave me that long winded description of living far away from everyone (hence the circling foxes), and the only place she might have come from was one of the many farms with barn cats? But you don't want to ask the farmers if she is their cat because they won't know?"
• "And you don't think you should have to pay for anything because she is not your cat, although you are willing to give her a home once someone else pays for her vaccines, spay, FeLV/FIV test, fecal exam etc.." 
• "She's too nice to be put back outside as you fear she might become "fox bait" which would be on my conscious because you are the Good Sam kind hearted person and I am the person screwing you out of the money you shouldn't have to pay to fix someone else's cat."

Debate begins about presumed ownership of said nice cat...

"It's not my cat," her.

"It's not my cat," me.

"Well, it's not my cat either."

"She was at your house. She is in your carrier. You want to keep her if I perform everything for free, (or some significant capped fraction of what it might cost), and then you want her to be your cat?"

She volleys back; "It's not my cat."

Eye roll,,, (I don't think she saw it).

I pack up. The verbal arm wrestling will end with a retreat.

Monica.
Looking for a home now.

The dilemma revolves primarily around the fact that this self proclaimed Good Samaritan adopted a cat from us two years ago for $100. At the time of her adoption she was spayed, vaccinated, microchipped, tested and dewormed. She expects the same deal with this cat.

"I'm sorry it doesn't work like that. You can surrender her and we will have one of our rescues find her a home. You can bring her to the Humane Society. We can give you a payment plan to help space out any charges her care might require. Or, we can give you information on low cost spay and vaccine clinics." These are the options I provide her.

"No, I'm leaving,,, (pointed finger in my face, yelling and the "you're screwing me!" statement follow),,, "I'm going to dump her at someone else's house." She grabs the tabby from her slumber and puts her in the carrier. Opens the exam room door and starts walking out the front door. 

"That's horrible and illegal!" I blurt out in shock and incredulity.

She leaves the clinic angrily after making a scene to anyone present in the front office.

Twenty minutes later her very elderly mother calls me to berate me for "making her daughter feel bad. Not giving her any options, and punishing her for being a Good Samaritan." Grandma reminds me that she has "been a long time client who spent thousands of dollars here over the many decades she's been with us. She will not be back."

"Music to my ears." ( I think she hung up on me before she heard me).

.... and now I lose sleep at night with worry that two cats are in peril because I preferred to not feel taken advantage of than help them. 

Joey.
Monica's brother, also in need of a home at JVC

I want to write her a letter that somehow shifts the guilt and blame back on to their shoulders. I want to throw a temper tantrum like a disgruntled two year old in the off chance I feel better afterwards... But, I don't. I let the days go by. I try to see it from their side? But, all that happens is I feel worse and I fear more that the cat is being torn apart by foxes,,, screaming for her life.  I try to hold a tiny bit of faith that the sweet unwanted cat can win over her angry, manipulative, sorry heart. Lord knows I couldn't.

There are some games that you play with some people you cannot win. In these games you try to walk away at a draw. In vet med the pet always pays when you do. The vet always knows this. There is a time when you have to choose who to abandon. Your ability to be profitable, your setting precedence that puts you right back here in the same predicament next week, the pet, the person, or the grief you sleep with every single night. The grief that makes you want to vomit from stress on the drive into work the next day. You have to choose who to walk away from. I promise you that in every single scenario like this every vet wants to chose to walk away from the person. It is never, ever, the patient, and too often instead we chose to walk away from ourselves as the easiest, least publicly visible painful option. 

Another JVC kitten up for adoption

Many Thanks to the people who make JVC such an amazing place. We are surrounded by so many generous people. The people who help adopt, foster, and share the posts of the pets seeking second chances, recovering from disease, illness, accidents, and misfortune. Without you we wouldn't be possible, and these miracles wouldn't happen.

...and please be kind, to your pets and the people who work so hard to keep them safe and healthy.

Related blogs;

Compassion Fatigue

The Holes In The Safety Net

Pieces Of Me

Ethical Fatigue

For anyone with a pet, anyone who loves, or has loved a pet, and anyone in search of helping others with pets I hope that you will join me at Pawbly.com. We are a community driven platform designed to help pet people by empowering and educating them. It is free to use and join.

Please also visit me on the other social media places I frequent; YouTube, Facebook, Twitter @FreePetAdvice our clinic site JarrettsvilleVet.com and the clinic Jarrettsville Vet in Harford County Maryland.

Post Script; This blog was taken down after the viral vet video hit the profession. At that time there were a handful of angry vets seeking any kind of fuel for their venomous anger. For reasons I still don't fully comprehend (feel free to not enlighten me if you still feel compelled to be angry at me) this blog proved their point about not feeling obligated to help people in financial need. The truth of the argument is that this person, the subject matter of this blog, was not in financial difficulty. She was given options, the ability to decline service items and goods, to pay over time, and she was even given options to surrender a cat that she stated repeatedly was "not hers." While other vets might see a parallel between standing ground and walking away from an angry client who may always foster anger toward me, I never turned my back from trying to help the cat in this case.

I am reposting this blog as I continue to stand by its real-life basis and the challenges vets face when trying to help a pet in need and a client who is argumentative and difficult. It is my real-life. This is a real case.

Do I ask myself if I could have done more? Yes. I always ask myself what part I played in a scenario I question as remaining unresolved in a satisfactory manner.