"It's Not My Cat Either"

Seems that many people believe that every stray, hurt, or unwanted animal is the vets responsibility. It's as if everyone in the community believes that we have signed some imaginary contract, or make some voluntary pledge upon graduation, to the neighborhood we hang our shingle in that we are the local receptacle for all things four legged in need.

Mystique and Cy.
Both are at the clinic now and in need of a home.

I suppose many would say that I did it to myself. That when we at Jarrettsville Vet began taking on these forlorn creatures who had no other compassionate options elsewhere that we were opening Pandora's box and inviting the perception that we are also a shelter. What else was I supposed to do? If I can help I feel obligated and compelled to do so. And so we do. We try very hard to do as much as we can. But when you crack the gates you should be prepared for the flood to follow.

We are now getting calls from loads and loads of people. It was intended to be a safety net for our patients and clients but has become pleas from friends of "friends", shelters referring anyone and everyone, and even other vets referring their financially strapped clients to us. It becomes unmanageable. We simply do not have room for them all. Worst of all too few people who find pets and say they are "trying to help" really want to make, take, or provide any meaningful help. They want to think and feel like they are "helping", but it can't "cost them anything," and they "can't really do anything." If you don't shoulder the burden of this needy pet and thereby remove the guilt from their eyes they too often become angry/unkind with pointed fingers and blame insinuating that somehow we retracted our obligation to be the safety net for societies furry citizens.

Angus.
Also in need of a home.

"I found this cat near my house. If I didn't take her inside the foxes would have eaten her. (Client then takes out ipad to show me pictures of said fox). She's not my cat. She's a stray. I can't pay for stuff that isn't for my cat. What if the owner comes forward after I spend all this money?"

It's a sales pitch. A way to clean the palate of impending doom. She came prepared with slides and a business plan. I am the skeptical Philanthropist. Between us sits a tabby cat contentedly sleeping.

"OK, let me get this straight?" My first words to the prosecution begin as;

• "She is, or, is not, a stray? You seemed sure that she was 5 minutes ago when you gave me that long winded description of living far away from everyone (hence the circling foxes), and the only place she might have come from was one of the many farms with barn cats? But you don't want to ask the farmers if she is their cat because they won't know?"
• "And you don't think you should have to pay for anything because she is not your cat, although you are willing to give her a home once someone else pays for her vaccines, spay, FeLV/FIV test, fecal exam etc.." 
• "She's too nice to be put back outside as you fear she might become "fox bait" which would be on my conscious because you are the Good Sam kind hearted person and I am the person screwing you out of the money you shouldn't have to pay to fix someone else's cat."

Debate begins about presumed ownership of said nice cat...

"It's not my cat," her.

"It's not my cat," me.

"Well, it's not my cat either."

"She was at your house. She is in your carrier. You want to keep her if I perform everything for free, (or some significant capped fraction of what it might cost), and then you want her to be your cat?"

She volleys back; "It's not my cat."

Eye roll,,, (I don't think she saw it).

I pack up. The verbal arm wrestling will end with a retreat.

Monica.
Looking for a home now.

The dilemma revolves primarily around the fact that this self proclaimed Good Samaritan adopted a cat from us two years ago for $100. At the time of her adoption she was spayed, vaccinated, microchipped, tested and dewormed. She expects the same deal with this cat.

"I'm sorry it doesn't work like that. You can surrender her and we will have one of our rescues find her a home. You can bring her to the Humane Society. We can give you a payment plan to help space out any charges her care might require. Or, we can give you information on low cost spay and vaccine clinics." These are the options I provide her.

"No, I'm leaving,,, (pointed finger in my face, yelling and the "you're screwing me!" statement follow),,, "I'm going to dump her at someone else's house." She grabs the tabby from her slumber and puts her in the carrier. Opens the exam room door and starts walking out the front door. 

"That's horrible and illegal!" I blurt out in shock and incredulity.

She leaves the clinic angrily after making a scene to anyone present in the front office.

Twenty minutes later her very elderly mother calls me to berate me for "making her daughter feel bad. Not giving her any options, and punishing her for being a Good Samaritan." Grandma reminds me that she has "been a long time client who spent thousands of dollars here over the many decades she's been with us. She will not be back."

"Music to my ears." ( I think she hung up on me before she heard me).

.... and now I lose sleep at night with worry that two cats are in peril because I preferred to not feel taken advantage of than help them. 

Joey.
Monica's brother, also in need of a home at JVC

I want to write her a letter that somehow shifts the guilt and blame back on to their shoulders. I want to throw a temper tantrum like a disgruntled two year old in the off chance I feel better afterwards... But, I don't. I let the days go by. I try to see it from their side? But, all that happens is I feel worse and I fear more that the cat is being torn apart by foxes,,, screaming for her life.  I try to hold a tiny bit of faith that the sweet unwanted cat can win over her angry, manipulative, sorry heart. Lord knows I couldn't.

There are some games that you play with some people you cannot win. In these games you try to walk away at a draw. In vet med the pet always pays when you do. The vet always knows this. There is a time when you have to choose who to abandon. Your ability to be profitable, your setting precedence that puts you right back here in the same predicament next week, the pet, the person, or the grief you sleep with every single night. The grief that makes you want to vomit from stress on the drive into work the next day. You have to choose who to walk away from. I promise you that in every single scenario like this every vet wants to chose to walk away from the person. It is never, ever, the patient, and too often instead we chose to walk away from ourselves as the easiest, least publicly visible painful option. 

Another JVC kitten up for adoption

Many Thanks to the people who make JVC such an amazing place. We are surrounded by so many generous people. The people who help adopt, foster, and share the posts of the pets seeking second chances, recovering from disease, illness, accidents, and misfortune. Without you we wouldn't be possible, and these miracles wouldn't happen.

...and please be kind, to your pets and the people who work so hard to keep them safe and healthy.

Related blogs;

Compassion Fatigue

The Holes In The Safety Net

Pieces Of Me

Ethical Fatigue

For anyone with a pet, anyone who loves, or has loved a pet, and anyone in search of helping others with pets I hope that you will join me at Pawbly.com. We are a community driven platform designed to help pet people by empowering and educating them. It is free to use and join.

Please also visit me on the other social media places I frequent; YouTube, Facebook, Twitter @FreePetAdvice our clinic site JarrettsvilleVet.com and the clinic Jarrettsville Vet in Harford County Maryland.

Post Script; This blog was taken down after the viral vet video hit the profession. At that time there were a handful of angry vets seeking any kind of fuel for their venomous anger. For reasons I still don't fully comprehend (feel free to not enlighten me if you still feel compelled to be angry at me) this blog proved their point about not feeling obligated to help people in financial need. The truth of the argument is that this person, the subject matter of this blog, was not in financial difficulty. She was given options, the ability to decline service items and goods, to pay over time, and she was even given options to surrender a cat that she stated repeatedly was "not hers." While other vets might see a parallel between standing ground and walking away from an angry client who may always foster anger toward me, I never turned my back from trying to help the cat in this case.

I am reposting this blog as I continue to stand by its real-life basis and the challenges vets face when trying to help a pet in need and a client who is argumentative and difficult. It is my real-life. This is a real case.

Do I ask myself if I could have done more? Yes. I always ask myself what part I played in a scenario I question as remaining unresolved in a satisfactory manner.

November 26, 2011

For almost all of us Thanksgiving is just behind us and Christmas has begun its ominous countdown descent.

And also for most of us the month between these two holidays is FULL of things to do and lists to accomplish because there are deadlines dictated by calender dates. For me there are the following items on my list;

Today; Today I head off to celebrate with many of our JVC staff the wedding of one of our technicians. It is the second wedding of the year for JVC and we are all looking forward to sharing the big day. We are all excited to finally see all of the things she has been talking about, planning for, and anxious about. Her dress, her hair, make-up, flowers, cake, decor have all been many a topic, sneak peek and debate over the last few months. There have been diets, advice, and of course, a little drama. But all of these things are normal conversations when you have a clinic full of women between the ages of 20 and 50. We love to talk "girl stuff" and wedding is one of our favorite topics. (Followed closely to the birth of a baby, and the discovery of a medical challenge to one of us, or our pets.) With that many women there is always chatter, (although after spending 20 years around nothing but men I will say that they are just as bad).

Our second wedding, Nov 26, 2011

Our first wedding of 2011

Jarrettsville Vet is for most of us our second family. Many of us have been there for 5 years or longer. (Actually I believe that of the 20 plus employees ALL of us have been there for 4 years plus, except for 1, my dad, as hospital administrator). In many ways the current chapter of our lives is something we all share and have gone through together. JVC is our work, stress, drama, outlet from our "other half of our life: home" and the place we are able to confide in each other the trials and tribulations that we all have in common, be they spouses, pets, kids, parents, holidays, illnesses, clients, cases, and local gossip. We are our own family, with all of the idiosyncracies, ups-downs, and drama that a family brings. We are our own soap opera. And for today we are a family coming together to celebrate one of our most treasured moments, a wedding. I will spend hours getting ready, take the gifts that are already wrapped, and be proud, happy, emotional and excited to see her months of planning all come together. It is another badge of honor I display proudly for being the owner of a place that is the platform for such richness in my life. Congrats lil princess! see you soon!

Next weekend, Sunday from 1 to 3, is our annual, (let's see 5th maybe?) Pets With Santa event. We decorate the entire clinic, invite anyone and everyone for a free meet-greet, eat, drink, and get your picture taken with Santa day. My whole family comes to help set-up, organize, and participate in making this fund-raiser a success. My brother is a professional photographer, so he carts up his equipment, and sets up a beautiful back drop. My sister and her husband help the behind the scenes organization of making sure the photos get to Wal-Mart, and my husband keeps the staff smiling, sets up a video monitor to play the pictures from past years, and keep me sane. And my dad greets everyone and helps with the logistics of the paperwork. My groomer and receptionist take over the Santa and elf duties, and the rest of the staff help with traffic control, barking dog next to scared cat dilemma, and meet and greet our clients. The entire event is free for everyone and anyone (even if you don't have a pet), but we ask for a donation of any amount if you can do it to assist with our pet rescue, treatment, and adoption program. We try very hard to help every client who needs help with their pets needs, and also try to help the local Humane Society when they call and tell us that they have a dog they are at the end of being to shelter, but it takes funds to continue. I am happy to donate my time for our pets, and I have an amazing group of vets who do the same, but we still have to pay for housing, food, medications and the staffs time.

I try to blog about each of our rescued pets and their plights, but I know I have neglected many. (Off the top of my head there is; Lola, at least 6 kittens, Banjo, the chihauas my tech took, pit bulls, Lilly, gosh, there are many others). I think we rescue about 2 dozen or more a year. Sometimes I look at those guys as they are in our care sometimes for months and ask myself "what the heck am I doing?" I have internal and external emotional pleas with my spouse, my staff and my friends about where to draw my "I can't live with myself if I do this" line. I grapple daily with the advice of "you can't love a pet more than their owner does," and "you can't save them all," and "it's just a cat." I try very hard to not my a decision that I will regret later because of money (don't go into Vet medicine if you care about money and ethics, is my advice), or doing what is quickest and easiest. I try to remind myself that "if you ever have to chose between being right and being kind, chose kind," (my favorite quote written by the spiritual guru Dwayne Dyer. But back to the point, the Pets with Santa fundraiser helps us to continue providing care to pets who don't have any other options.

Pudgie, One of our rescues

Lilly, a 2011 rescue, who now has a great home

A 2010 rescue, Sage

2011 rescue, Bella, from BARCS

2009 rescue, Lemon, still looking for a home

Banjo, a 2010 rescue, with his brother on the left, Noodle, and my best friend, Linda, their mom.

Kiki, from Animal rescue, and Buddy. Both are looking for a home.

So if any of you are in the Northern maryland area next Sunday, Dec 4th between noon and 3 or 4 o'clock please come in to say "hello" eat, drink, and be merry with us. It is my favorite day of the year in the clinic and I spend all year looking at the incredible photos we take.

Then we have to start getting ready for the Pet Expo in Timonium on Jan 27 thru 29. It will be the place where everyone can meet our staff, ask the Vets and techs any questions you might have about pet care. And we will be giving away lots of goodies. If you have never gone to this it is an incredible conglomeration of everything pet. Every breed, every species, every-everything pet pandamonium. But please! don't bring a tiny toy breed, or puppy, it is too dangerous with soo many people, and Please make sure your pet is vaccinated before you bring them. that Fair grounds is a petri dish of disease for pets. My advice is to not bring them, there are thousands of people and the majority of the pets are petrified by the crowds, and I have witnessed dog fights, pets being stepped on, etc. So not worth it. Link to their website; http://worldofpets.org/

Ok, here are some of my favorite Pets with Santa photos;

Diedra, (my sister), Daisy, and John (Diedra's husband)

Our 2010 family photo. Me, with Savannah, Jekyl on Santa, and Joe with Charleston