I was in a shoe store today. One I have been going to a few times a year for decades. I go there because they have fabulous shoes at affordable prices AND because they have dogs. Resident Shih Tzu's live here. (Not that I care what breed they are. I just love dogs).
I am a veterinarian. Don't all veterinarians LOVE dogs?! (Well, most do. Another topic for another blog).
The store owner loves her dogs. It is obvious in so many aspects of the visit. There are dog toys strewn about the floor like this is a daycare center. Dog beds hidden under every clothes rack and a hidden home base behind the check out counter. The owner is a tiny little lady with jet black hair who wears clothes that I feel more aptly belong on a spit-fired little Italian godmother residing in central Brooklyn; The kind who knows everyone's business and points her finger, cigarette sidecar on bottom fish-hooked left corner lip, once tightly lines in fire engine red outliner. She is frills with razor edges. And, yet those little coiffed pups make her melt. My Italian grandmother Grandma Magnifico was a lot like this. Trying to look like she's still got it, tight (too tight) black velvet pants, overly shiny sweat jacket attempting to pose as formal dinner attire, not too chatty, always too skeptical of anyone she doesn't know, and yet loves dogs in a manner that almost makes her certifiable. My grandmother would find dogs roaming in Brooklyn, throw a leash over their head and drag them home to safety. In other words she stole them, yet always harshly believing she was providing them all a much better home.
Back to my shoes..
Each shoe store visit is, and has been, the same. She never remembers me from the last time. I walk in, the dogs run to greet me, I bend down hoping the door has securely closed behind me and I say hello to each of them individually. I ask them, "how are you doing?" "What's new around town? Any new/latest shoe store gossip?" and, "if they have any selections to show me?" I treat them as people. This whole exchange is super vital to my shoe shopping experience, and, they in return spend the rest of the time I cuddling with me. We are kismet.
At some point their mom comes over, tells me that I shouldn't feel obligated to pet them, and that she will put them away if I need her to. I remind her they are the reason I come. And, she leaves me to shop.
Today was a snow day. Most of Maryland was closed. When I had to go out for a baby gift I just happened to see she was open. The store was otherwise quiet and empty. Today the conversation met its chapter two.
"Are the dogs bothering you?" As the black one jumped on the couch and sidled up behind me. I was trying on shoes and he wanted to be center stage.
"No, he's helping. We are doing fine."
"Oh, well,,,, if he is let me know."
"Umm, ok, well, he won't I'm used to dogs all over everything. So, he won't intrude. I have no personal space when it comes to dogs."
I knew it as it left my lips. I said too much. "Yes.", "No.", "Ok." Those are the simple answers I should stick to.
Most vets I know, (I am going to say all but one), will never tell a stranger that they are a veterinarian. The "work-life balance" thing is important to preserve. We don't like being asked for advice. Although I don't mind so much as long I feel people really care about their animals. What I do take offense to is being the arm chair vet-quarterback to the people who think they want help in caring for their pets, but, just want to pass on responsibility. There's a difference between asking for help because you simply don't know, and, shirking responsibility for a pet that is exactly yours to be responsible for. You know the kind; They want to sound like they care so they don't seem like they might be perceived as a shitty person, but not actually go out of their way to do anything about it. That kind. They share their self-admitted stories of neglect, idiotic scenarios, and remind me to go back to my one word answers. Don't know what I am talking about? Let me give some examples of this kind:
"I have this cat in my yard who keeps having kittens. I don't really want her. DO you know anyone who will come and take her?" I had a subcontractor working on our new clinic renovation, for which he was paid about $70,000 to do, tell me this. I fired him.
"I had a dog once, she got hit by a car, and, eventually died." Thanks for sharing that one. Let's hope I never meet you again.
"We had puppies once. They all died. My dad thought it might have been parvo. Or, maybe something got to them, like a snake bite." Umm,,,,
"You know my vet told me that my dog should be on heartworm prevention. He doesn't really need it, does he?"
Yes, I get these all the time. Stick to "Yes." "No." "Ok." Feign ignorance. Be a damn closed book for five minutes of your life.
Nope. Not today. Today I confessed, "Well, I have to love animals I am a veterinarian."
She stopped and withdrew her internal stoic stern governess sourpuss face to transition into an inquisitive detective.
"Oh, I could never do what you do. It must be so hard."
Once again I should have just nodded a reply. A simple; "No" or even throw her a bone, just say "Yes." keep trying on shoes. Why do I have to open my mouth? Instead,, this happened.
"It isn't. I am only the vet to people who love their animals like you do."
Her sourpuss face looked like it bit hard on a lime. Her face collapsed inward. A black hole suction of air left the room, vortexed into her thorax and she left me feeling as if I was a freak.
It took me a few minutes to realize that her idea of "hard" was not my idea of "hard". She believed that every pet was loved like hers. That her rescues (one was) were all just orphans awaiting Daddy Warbucks and happy endings happen. It was the mortality part she defined as "hard" as if that was some aspect of life found only in pet dogs.
No, the hard part is killing pets no one wants. Or killing a pet that has a treatable condition. Or seeing how awful people can be. Suffering, yeah that's hard. Indifference that's harder. She didn't understand a thing I said in my brief two sentences. She 70-ish. What is the point of explaining how hard this job can be? She would have to live it to understand it.
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| My dog Storm. Rescued 2 years ago by our friends at Animal Rescue Inc minutes before he would have been euthanized. His family had dropped him off at a NC shelter the day before as they evacuated from Hurricane Florence. |
No, there isn't one honest vet in the world who will tell you that the dying is the hard part. Life is unfair. Every vet knows that. Cruelty, neglect, abuse, indifference, disposable views of pets that kills you. That's "hard"er than anyone could ever know.
"She's just a barn cat." Apparently there is a breed known as "barn" (aka "outdoor") that requires no veterinary upkeep? (yeah, I never knew that either).
"He was a free puppy." (It's cheaper to get another than fix his vomiting/diarrhea/prolapsed rectum, blah, blah..)
I bought 5 big dog beds at TJ Maxx yesterday, (and when I say BIG, I mean 3ft by 4 ft and about 8 inches thick. They required a palate cart to move). At the check out the girl asked, "how many dogs do you have?" "Three," I replied, "but we have 23 dog beds in the house and a few are 10 years old and impregnated with dog smell no matter how much I try to wash. (How do you wash those big beds?)
"Wow, that's a lot of dogs." (No, it isn't I thought). How can you afford them?"
Shoulda shrugged. I didn't. "I'm a vet," fell out.
"Oh, that's such a hard job. I don't know how you do it?" At least she smiled at me with a genuine interest in my answer.
So what do you think?
Do you agree? Do you think that my job is "hard"? If so, why? I would love to hear your perspective.
I really would love to hear your thoughts. Please share them in a comment below. (Just so you know they have to be approved by me before I post.. the whole FB video rant three years ago left me no choice. Vets can be vicious, just an FYI).
Here's where my head is headed next, and how this topic is related to where my current blog topic lies;
It's truly a matter of perspective. Isn't it?
Here is a FB post I saw today that reinforced the misconceptions of perspectives. It is a fellow vet in a FB page where vets share their vet life experiences.
"I was recently trying to buy a new home. Obviously, I haven’t done this much. Not many people do. I have 7 kids. So, we all went to the house to view it with the sellers realtor because that’s what the seller told me to do. My kids were respectful, took off their shoes but they are loud and excited (who wouldn’t be?). I got home and my husband and I discussed it and then called my own realtor to make an offer on the house. The sellers realtor was very offended that he took the time to show the house and then we chose to use a different realtor to represent us. Looking back, that’s an understandable reaction given the time and patience he took with us on a weekend to be able to work with our schedule and tolerate our noisy bunch. However, he then proceeded to make it extremely difficult to put an offer on the house-not communicating, putting in road blocks and in general being a jerk.
Here’s my point. I did not know enough about that realm to understand my actions were offensive. I apologized and followed all the recommended protocols after I realized my offense and was still given a hard time.
❇️ How often do we do this to our own clients? Do we think badly about them because they don’t know any better? How many times have I said on ER “Why do people expect x,y,z?” when we have not explained the situation thoroughly because we are busy and overworked and frustrated with the industry in general.
❇️ How much of the clients reaction has come from our own inability to show compassion (because, hello, compassion fatigue is a real thing) or explain the process in our industry to yet one more clueless person?
❇️ Is this their fault? Is it ours?
We ABSOLUTELY still have a**hole clients that expect too much and are unreasonable.
But...can we improve our outlook and communication and make some of those borderline pain-in-the-a** interactions maybe be a bit less stressful for everyone involved if we just show some understanding and forgiveness?
Just a thought process I had when faced with the same prejudices in another field."
...from a colleague on Facebook, Dr Jennifer. (Shared with permission).
The questions keep rolling.. the answers,, well,,,
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| My kitty Magpie enjoying the sunshine. |
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Good morning!! I could never do what you do. It seems as if it can be so exhausting- yes physically, but more than that emotionally. I don't mean the hard part that I suppose most people think of- putting down animals. Although, I would guess that there is a unique mood to each end of life situation. The beloved family member, vs. the lost cause with no other option left, vs. the jerk who would rather spend the money needed to help their pet on something more "important", the list goes on... The part that I really do not understand how anyone can tolerate are those certain people. I know myself well enough to know that I would not be able to be professional, let alone smile at them and thank them for their business. I can't keep my big mouth shut, and I would probably have no clients in a short amount of time. I do not think I would be able to return a found animal brought in to my practice to an owner who clearly doesn't care enough for it or worse, is obviously abusive towards it. I think that those situations would be the real impossible ones. The ones that really break a heart. The patients, not the people. I think about that often. How can you advocate for the voiceless patient, when the client/person who owns them won't hear you out? That would kill me. You have to be a voice constantly, and I am sure many times your voice is not heard unless you say what the pet owner wants to hear. We all know that what we want to hear and what we need to hear can be different. So then how can that be balanced? How can you find that place where you can have your patients' best interest and your clients' ears at the same time and keep your sanity? I would imagine that there is always a nagging question in the back of your mind about those patients who have left because of an owner who didn't like the advice you offered or what you had to say. There are clients who do prioritize pets' needs, treat them like family members and do their best. I suppose you have to focus on those and the many, many pets that you can make and have made a difference to, and their owners who really appreciate that.
ReplyDeleteYes, I think vets have hard jobs, but also amazing jobs. Hopefully it's a profession to which you're called. It's great that your practice works with owners so they can afford the more pricey services. I'm enjoying your blog; just found it today and am making my way through posts. Thanks for all you do for the animals in your clinic.
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