Just a day to throw in the towel

This is Coco, A two year old chihuahua who came in on Friday.

She was the second Friday in a row that I came in on my day off to do an emergency surgery.

She was trying to deliver a puppy from a male chihuahua that was "bigger than she was." What resulted was one very large puppy stuck half way in and half way out. She had been trying to deliver her puppy for hours. She was so tired and exhausted that she just gave up trying.

Her mom was not a client and she had no money. Her pleas for help were more than I could bear and so I told her to come in.

We spayed her and removed her dead fetus and sent her home. She died two days later from complications of her delivery. Coco needed additional care after her spay and her mom didn't have the resources to provide them. 

And here I am feeling like I should have known that Coco needed more care, I should have provided more pro bono, and not sent Coco back home where I was worried her mom couldn't provide for her.

Last Monday we had a snow fall that kept my family at home. We closed the clinic early and felt confident that the decision to send the staff home early was the best decision for our most important asset, them.

Tuesday morning the lights in our home went out at 4 am. We went to work feeling confident that the mild interruption in our cozy life would be a romantic evening of candle light and early bed, it has instead become a week of living out of suitcases and imposing on family to get showers, laundry, and our 18 year old beagle some desperately needed warmth.

This terribly blurry shot was the best my iphone could mange in the pitch dark.

This is where we slept, by the woodstove, keeping warm, and intent on keeping the house warm enough so that the pipes didn't freeze. Huddled around the stove is my dear husband, Jitterbug, Wren, Magpie, and the puppies. The pets loved it. They had a cozy warm stove and ample pet beds.

Savannah was my biggest fear. Trying to keep her warm and free from any additional immunosuppressive challenges. I tried keeping her at my parents house, where the woodstove can keep the whole house at a balmy 90 degrees, but the disorientation of a new place kept her up pacing and crying all night. So we were forced to keep her in the house, in her area, and try to keep her warm. I spent every night getting up every two hours to keep her blanketed and warm.

Jekyll and the water supply, aka the way to flush toilets and water pets.

Huddled around the grand parents stove.

The slumber party decor.

The best way to find a small mildly confused old dog in complete darkness; a blinking collar light.

A week without running water, heat, and lights is not what I was hoping for in the middle of winter. The stress of trying to keep your house intact, your pets fed and warm, and yourself functional is more than we could manage. I am sincerely grateful to all of our friends and family for helping us, and there is a new generator in our short term future. There is another storm headed our way Wednesday night  and if we don't have power by then I think I will just drive to the airport and see where the next departing flight headed south is. Shoot, I might just head to the airport and get on the next flight headed anywhere.

I told the staff that this last week of no sleep, no power, and all of the stress of everything that encompasses it has me feeling like I did during finals week in vet school. I am so exhausted and worn out I don't know if I am capable of even reciting my own phone number.

Leo

As if the bad luck, misfortune, and terrible sequence of events hasn't been bad enough, it all went to pot two Friday's ago when Leo, the 6 week old kitten that had been sick since the day after he was adopted from the Humane Society died after a two hour emergency surgery to try to save his life after he recovered enough from his respiratory infection to undergo the surgery he needed to remove his intestinal obstruction.

Two Friday's back to back with two adorable, young, lovable pets died after I spent my day off trying to save them. Sandwiched in between their sad tales was a week of no power, no sleep, and no lack of self pity and frustration.

And sometimes i just want to throw in the towel and say screw it.